Yeah so to answer my own question from this previous post, no, not strong enough. H asked me a few days ago if I am dating anyone and since there is a guy I talk to (and am going out with tomorrow nite with a small group of friends), I told him the truth. Then ofcourse yesterday was our daughter's bday, he expressed to me yet again how he can't stand to be around me because he wants to have sex with me so badly and it drives him crazy. So although I have been doing MUCH better and was doing pretty well in detaching, I decided that I WANTED to ML to him, because I feel the same way he does and, well, I just wanted to. Here is the problem. Maybe out of guilt or who knows what else, he starts telling me he loves me, he wants our M to work out, he misses me, etc. He cannot just be casual about it. So once he starts talking I end up talking too, well actually he asked me questions. I told him that I have decided to love him unconditionally and would be there for him regardless of his choices in life, but that I can't take him back until he gets his head straight, last time D4 started getting used to him being here and then he up and left again after 10 days. I told him I love him but I need to protect both D4 and my own sanity, and that I am going out with that guy on Thursday regardless. I told him I am not looking for a relationship as he seems to think, but that I am just going out to have fun and will not stop that. I told him I am happy that I have regained my identity and will continue to move on, that he should work on getting his head straightened out and hopefully by the time he does we will both be on the same page. He didn't like hearing this, and kept just being overly affectionate, gazing in my eyes, touching my face while he kissed me, etc. It was hard to not go totally along with his affections and take him back open armed, but I think my fear of being hurt again helped, as I did hold back alot and maintained my position of moving on. I just knew that he would leave again if I took him back right away again, he is not ready, just freaking out about me seeing an OM. He said he is really scared of the idea of me moving on, the idea kills him.
I meant what I told him but then today he seemed SO distant already (which I didn't expect with my night out coming tomorrow!!) and I wigged out and called him on it. I asked him if his thoughts have changed since last night and he basically just told me that he is taking my advice and is going to work on getting his confusion sorted out, that I should do my thing in the meantime. I don't know why but I don't believe it. His mixed signals are so hard to deal with, there is so much more but I do not want to make this post TOO long. He sure did confuse me last night!!!
I don't know if I should have ML or not, but I was pretty glad that even though I did, I didn't tell him we could get back together right away,I just wish I didn't call him on his mood today, wish that I had just smiled and acted "as if" But I couldn't. I was so miserable when he stopped pursuing even though he knows I am going out tomorrow night. He even asked if I wanted D4 to sleep at his house again on Friday so I could go see a band play that I had mentioned wanting to see. WTF!?!? Now he is ok with it? Last night he was FREAKING out, even said so himself. I know I should detach more, and I do think I am getting better, but the hard part is holding my own when he changes things up a bit. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated, as always. Thanks for reading!!!