Flutter- Gee, i don't even know what advice to give you, b/c i have felt so many of the same things and am questioning so many things.
Your H being distant after a night of closeness could just be him being scared. My H has done the same thing. We will have an incredible time, and then the next day, he is acting sullen and melancholy. My H told me once how good he felt when he was with me, and how bad he felt when we were apart. As i told hopefloats once, they are like the tides of the sea.
Especially when everyone tells me he is "playing me" - God, why would he do that??? Wouldn't it make more sense to just be up front - so we could salvage a friendship??? Or is he as confused as I always thought!?!?!
I don't know if this is any comfort, but i am told the same thing...that he is manipulating me. But, i have to think that given that so many of these WAH's do such similar things, that it is a by-product of their behaviors (having an affair) and their confusion. I imagine that it doesn't feel too good to be them, cheating on their wives...i am sure they don't feel very good about themselves. I am not trying to make excuses...just trying to understand what might be flying through their heads.
I, too, question why my H just doesn't tell me the truth about ow..if he wants to get rid of me, then telling me might be a good place to start. So, i don't understand why they aren't upfront about things.
I told my H once that i would love to get into his head for just a few minutes...his response was "its a very scary place."
You do have to have patience...this is a long process. Everyone here will tell you that these problems with your M didn't come about overnight, so fixing them won't either. It is painful and exhausting. You need to decide where your limit is. There have been plenty of days over the past 15 months, when i felt like i just couldn't do it anymore and i just wanted to give up. But, then, i would get a second wind and be able to make it through another several weeks or months. It isn't easy. And the emotions you feel will be all over the place. But, you need to do what is right for you.
The one thing that i reminded myself of often, especially when i felt scared of taking a risk or believing things, was that i couldn't let my pride get in the way. Meaning that i was not going to live in such a way that i was protecting myself, and thus holding things back. This whole thing requires a great leap of faith on the part of the LBS'. You have to decide how much you are willing to endure.
RE: your negativity: I am the world's biggest pessimist. And what i had to learn was that negativity breeds negativity. For me, i had to realize that the more negtive i thought, the less likely i was to act in a positive way. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was something that i realized that i had been doing. You will have moments when you think the worst. And then there will be moments when you think its okay. I think when we think the worst, it is a way of protecting ourselves. But, don't let that get in the way of doing things in a positive way.
This post is all over the place. I just felt like so many things that you said really resonated with me. Hang in there.
