Hey Flutter- I really have no good advice to give you. I will agree with c1t, though, that you have to try to let go of thoughts of ow. Yes, its hard, but it does you no good. And anyway, this is about you and your H. Focus on yourself and your D.
I am tired of feeling like he has no respect for me at all. Though I do believe there are strong, unresolved feelings at the root of his "sexual attraction" to me, it still feels like he is using me as a personal wh*re. I mean, we have sex but she gets the phone calls, QT and affection. I do not even get a damn dinner date. I feel a fool.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with these thoughts and feelings. I have them too. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are doing what you think is right in an effort to save your M. I don't think that makes you a fool. I don't know what the answer is, b/c i have no willpower when it comes to this. I tried to use the intimate moments my H and I had to my advantage. But, you need to do what you feel is right for you.
There will come a time when this is a little easier. But, you have to have patience.
