Interesting twist... On Thursday night, my H went out to a bar with his best friend and - I thought- the OW. So at midnight he texts me, hi, how are u, are u sleeping, are u busy, what are u wearing, want some company? I was in shock, b/c I was starting to feel like he had finally become so wrapped up in OW that he was not going to hit on me anymore as he has done in the past. I told him that it wasn't a good idea but added that it was tempting, and that it was a shame. (See how weak I am?? I vowed not to even ANSWER such texts and here I was flirting - but at least I said no, right?! Baby steps!!) Then the next morning when he came so I could go to work and he could hang out with our D for an hour or so and then take her to school (that's every day, M-F) and we had that old magnet btw us again, where I can FEEL how bad we want eachother, and we were at one point standing so that our lips were like an inch apart. I moved away then. But then on my way to work he texted me "it is so hot in your apartment!!" and I replied (flirting again!!) "Even after I left? That's weird." His answer? "I know right? What time are u getting out of work today? 2PM?" (I get out at 4PM, he was suggesting I leave early again as I did once before to meet him for afternoon sex.) So I said I couldn't cuz I had been late alot this week. Again turning him down, but regret giving an explanation. So I noticed just now that this was two days after my feeling like he got mad at me for not returning his call right away and not calling him when our D went to bed. Hmmm. Anyway, right now I am feeling kinda sad and confused. I just got our new cel phone bill, and checked a few things. The last times we had sex, he called OW right before he got to my house and right after he left. Plus, he is taking her little by little to meet all of his friends and family, even taking her to his nephew's christening INSTEAD of his daughters, and I just don't get that. I mean, I went to a family party today - SOOO hard to go to the first function w/o my H since everyone found out, one person even asked where he was (guess they never heard!!) and my male cousins were offering to kill him, and my aunts and uncles were sorta treating me like someone had died, it felt wierd, though I appreciate their love and support. Plus all of the other little kids there had their moms and dads together like my D always did, it just feels so sad, like something is missing, and plus my H LOVED this side of my family, always wanted to hang out with them. But I digress. It occurred to me tonite, that if I were dating someone now, say for a few weeks or even two months like H and OW, I would NEVER have just brought him to a family function, even though I am not the one who left. It seems inappropriate. I mean, we were a family, it is not like breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend of 10 months and then bringing a new one next time. Yet he started bringing her to family like 3 weeks into it. Do WAS's do this alot with their OP??? I would think they'd be hesitant, as most (including mine) never seem really ready to give their LBS's up TOTALLY, doesn't he feel like it will be wierd if we ever got back together one day? I guess I am trying to apply logical thought to a person of illogical mind right now, huh? I don't know. I am tired of feeling like he has no respect for me at all. Though I do believe there are strong, unresolved feelings at the root of his "sexual attraction" to me, it still feels like he is using me as a personal wh*re. I mean, we have sex but she gets the phone calls, QT and affection. I do not even get a damn dinner date. I feel a fool. And I am really considering cutting out his taking our D to school and maybe even their date night on Tuesdays.. How am I supposed todetach when he is in my house every single day, drinking my soda, using my nail clippers, taking my aspirin, leaving the smell of his cologne on my couch (strongly, I was not sniffing it!! LOL) It seems impossible. I don't want to take time with him from my D but at the same time, he won't be able to do this past like May or June anyway, why drag it out? She is going to have to eventually get used to the idea that she is not going to see daddy every day anymore. Though that breaks my heart beyond all comprehension...it is simply not in my control. Plus it could help him to begin to miss me / us right?? I just need to get out of limbo. Mostly venting but any feedback is ALWAYS appreciated!!
