Hey Flutter- Don't know if i am the best person to be giving advice, since my life is in such turmoil right now, but this is what i see.
He seemed mad or even hurt. And now I feel like a b*tch, or at least like he is thinking I am, and i feel guilty or like I might have made it worse.
Sounds like your H is trying to blame you, in an effort to make him feel better, b/c he knows he was wrong. If i read what you wrote correctly, he said that he was on the phone during the time that he usually speaks to your daughter. Well, maybe he should have gotten off the phone and called sooner if he knows when she goes to bed. I am sure he knows that he was wrong here, but rather than accept responsibility, he blames you - its easier for him to swallow. This isn't something unique to your H - i think it is human nature - people have a hard time accepting responsibility and admitting they are wrong. But, it definitely sounds like he was trying to relieve himself of his self-inflicted guilt.
This is a hard issue, b/c i am the same way - i allow my H to dump all of the blame on me, and i never hold him responsible for his actions. This is something that i have been trying to work on in C, but its a struggle.
Perhaps, so you can avoid this is the future, you can come up with a more structured schedule. Something like: he will call your D at 7p every night. I think if you can talk about it, and clarify what each of you expect, it might eliminate the possibility of confusion, therefore removing any chance for blame. Does that make sense? I am very concrete, so i need things to spelled out for me, every detail.
And now I feel like a b*tch, or at least like he is thinking I am,
Something that helps me (and it takes practice) - remind yourself that you can't attach your own meaning to your H's actions or words. NYS is good at explaining this. But you feeling like he thinks you were a b!tch is really in your head. There is no proof that is what he thinks. Try to focus on the facts of a situation.
As you know, i've been separated for 15 months. There have been really good times b/w my H and I, and really bad times. Nothing lasts forever - thats why everybody refers to this as a roller coaster. Your H seems very angry - mostly at himself for what he is doing. And who better to take out that anger on than the person closest to him - you. As Annie Lennox said "you always hurt the ones you love the most, its a subtle form of give and take." The point is, anger fades. Your H needs to work through this sh!t on his own. You can be there for him, as a friend. But try not to let him take advantage of your kindness (easier said than done - yes, i am a hypocrite). This whole process takes time. Don't take what he says or does personally - it is probably more in reaction to his own feelings.
I don't know if any of that makes sense - hope so. Have a good day and don't dwell on what happened yesterday - you can't change it, but you can learn from it.
