I too have said alot of things to my H in our M that I regret, not to mention many things during our separation. Last week I told him that I had been interested in someone at work for a while after I found out about OW, guess I was hoping to reduce his guilt level and maybe make him jealous? I tend to resort impulsively to trying to make him jealous. I don't know why, maybe it makes me feel better when he is jealous b/c it shows he is still interested!?!? Either way, bad idea, I know. The problem is that now I am feeling like he thinks I am involved with someone, and he has seemed pretty angry with me since I said it. I tried to tell him afterwards why I said it but he didn't seem to believe me, and the stupidest part was that I did it the day after he claimed to have broken up with OW, and was showing the most interest in reconciliation that he has since he met her, but as soon as he started acting "wierd" I started assuming things (he regrets leaving her, etc) and just blurted it out. God if only I could go back to that day. It has been only one week but he is so cold now.
I have a question for you all - my H seems to be REALLY guilt ridden, he even wrote me a letter saying the guilt is unbearable. He seems to think that our M is ruined now b/c he started dating OW and b/c he believes I am interested in someone else (I think he even thinks I am involved w/ someone) Is he just trying to project his guilt onto me? And if he really is angry at the thought of me w/ someone else, is it more likely that he is angry at ME or at himself, for driving me there by leaving and being with OW? Am I making any sense? And my next move?!?!? I am so confused. I think about going dark but am so afraid that he will think something is definitely going on and just give up for good. He was always against cheating so I think his guilt is really intense. He also seems to think that because he "likes" another woman that it must "say something" - I guess that he mustn't love me anymore. Yet he keeps running back to me, trying to ML to me evry week or two!! Till now, anyway Would going dark push him away? I am feeling so guilty about trying to make him jealous since part of me feels that insecurities that he held inside thru our M are a big part of what brought us here. But I was not at all trying to play on that, just merely scared and trying to hold on, somehow. I know he hates that I always have to talk to him about everything till I am blue in the face, and always try to get him to talk, so I am trying to keep quiet. Yet I have so much to say to him. Maybe a letter? Any advice here would be GREAT!! Do I just leave it at this and let him make the next move? He sounds so miserable on the phone. And sometimes I wonder if all of this dbing makes him feel like I am happy without him, as I started acting that way very early on. As soon as I moved to my new apartment. But he HAS to know how much i love him, I always end up breaking down and showing him eventually!!!! Why didn't I read DB years ago?!?!?!?!? Sorry to ramble. Thanks for listening!!!