One of the things I should probably have mentioned is that when my FIL died I was in a bit of a depression and my H felt I was not there for him. So he found OW#1 who was there for him (and her boyfriend had just died so they had something in common.)
My FIL's death was long and drawn out with him taking several turns for the worse and then recovering slightly. I got really pissed off at my MIL because every time my FIL had a turn for the worse she made my H feel like he had to drop everything and go home (and home is England so it was really expensive to get a flight that same day.) It was really emotionally draining for my H to constantly think if he didn't go his dad was going to die. I stupidly then said to my H that his family was jerking him around--words that I should not have said and that come back to haunt me. I wish I could take it back.
I don't know about your H, but mine has recently admitted that he hasn't really mourned his dad. Maybe he cried on OW#1's shoulder but I didn't see him cry at all. And yes, H is the crying type, not excessive, but certainly not afraid to show his emotions.
Hope, I'm curious, do you think that with all that time apart your H felt like he didn't know you anymore. One of the top reasons a M breaks down is supposed to be not spending time together. I can say that is certainly the case in mine. Granted the reasons you don't spend time together probably varies wildly from M to M.
