OMG! That is pretty much exactly my sich, b/c he has said many times that he can't stand to even be in the same house with me (our daughter is usually there, so sex is not often an option), he said it drives him crazy that he wants me so bad. He even referred to having sex with me as "relapsing" as if it were an addiction! I said "I didn't know I was a disease, and he said "I am the on ewith the problem". He told a mutual friend that our sex is "amazing, I cannot explain it". He truly has no will power with me either!! And yes, the consultant (Chuck) did say that it is pretty unusual for this to be the case, and honestly i had observed the same thing myself, just from reading other people's stories, here and in the books as well. The phone consultant advised me to actually use this to my advantage, he said it is ok to go on sleeping with him as long as I change my behavior afterwards (ie: my tendency to "talk" about us immediately after sex, "look how much we WANT eachother, we have such chemistry, I MISS you, what are we doing being apart?!?!?" and other such anti DB ramblings!!) The consultant saw the attraction as an advantage. So yeah, we are sortof an exception I guess. If nothing else than for the fact that they do not hide it!But despite the advice I got, my gut tells me that if his attraction to me is that strong, that if I stop giving in, he will eventually have to decide whether he wants to lose me forever. Have you thought about that? I mean, wouldn't it just drive them NUTS until they realized what a huge mistake they were making??? I don't know. It is confusing, and scary to think about what would happen if I am wrong!! He RAN out of my house last night (he watches her when I go to class Tuesday nights), so nervous looking, I believe he knew that if he didn't, we would end up having sex, and right now he is in what I call his "guilty" phase, where he feels we shouldn't do that (knows it gets me all excited that we might work things out I guess) so he avoids me all together. Even this morning, he came to pick up our daughter (he stays here with her from 7 till 8:30 and then takes her to school, cuz I have to leave for work at 7), and he went in my bathroom for 15 minutes while I finished up getting ready, I really think he just didn't want to be near me. It is crazy!! I think he wishes he could never see me so he didn't have to feel it. But he will always have to see me, so that is a losing sich for him.
Now, as for the OW, I know about her and he knows it, but he DENIES the extent of their relationship. I know about her from HIS friends and family, one of my best friends is engaged to one of his best friends, and he actually took an apartment across the hall from them!! Strangely enough, he denies everything to me (she is not his girlfriend, they are not dating, they don't have sex!! Yeah right!!) but is not very discreet, brings her around his friends and family, taking that apartment, I even get his cell phone bills (I made the mistake of telling him I know he calls her ALL DAY LONG - it was impulsive, I saw it on the bill and was so SAD) I really don't get it, I thought he'd want to be single, living it up and partying, and he jumps into this?!?! He has only known her like 6 weeks!!! Sorry for the rant! I really wanted to ask about your OW, do you know more than he thinks you do? And do you / did you ever mention her to him? I would love to talk to you about all of this, and notice you are from NJ - I am too, so maybe we should hang out some time, perhaps we could learn from each other. We are both in a very strange position when you think about the fact that both of our Hs are that drawn to us, despite OW. Could be a very powerful tool. Anyway, post again or email me directly if you want maryellen1425@yahoo.com I'd love to chat!!