What you're feeling right now is very natural--that desire to be extremely close to the person you love--that's why being away hurts so much. Of course we miss the people we love--you have my empathy, and my sympathy too. I'm so sorry you're going through this awfulness.
The tenderness, the love you have for him, for the memories of the past, that's why you're so drawn to him. The question is, how safe is it? How healthy is it for you right now? Is it the best thing? Is there something better/more effective you could be doing right now? Don't just jump at any suggestion--follow professional advice--read more of Michelle's articles/books please, before you make any huge decisions, but find a way to think things over as clearly as possible. Heaven knows I know all about how hard it is to do that.
I wish I could tell you that your husbands actions make sense--but they don't, and they might not for a long time, but you've got to figure out the best way to get him looking at you in the right way. The right way. . . .
Have you gone for any counselling/read any good books on the subject of "spouses that runaway/have affairs"? It would be and excellent investment of your time--look around on some of Michele's threads--there's some great suggestions.
I'm really sad you're going through all of this. Here's a hug! A kind person gave me one the other day, and you know, that's just what I needed. So, I'm gladly passing it on.
