Hit the Wall....Am I on the otherside?

[Tim297181]

Well the time has come to end this journey and move on. After a 11 months it is slowly come to an end. Well last nite was not so slow.

The first statement I will make is I would still like my M and R to work, but my W has not wanted to participate in it, and I need move forward for myself and the kids.

I had a good C session yesterday. We talked alot about me GAL, and my W needs to experience life without me and all my help. We also talked about the possibility of my W having a borderline personality disorder, or a chemical imbalance like being bi-polar. My C said my W needs to be diagnoised professionally but from what I have said and from her mood swings and erratic behaviour in regards to the kids, it is a strong possibilty.

So I felt good but now I was worried that my W is now suffering from something else. I had already planned a few nites out for myself over the next few days so I felt good.

My W and I have been friendly. On my way home she asked me to pick up some wine. So when I got home my W told me she needed some time to herself and was going to stay at our friends house while they are out of town. She was friendly and was trying to be nice to me. She sat her bag down that she was going to take, and then went downstairs. I think she did this on purpose because the bag was not completely zipped up, and right on top was her sexy lingere that she bought for "me" on our trip to MExico. Anyways all the bells and alarms go off in my head. She comes back upstairs, and I think to myself...screw it I am going to call her on this.

So I ask her where she is really staying and if she is seeing the OM, and please don't lie. She says no she is going to our friends house. Then she asks if I looked in her bag. I say no. End of discussion. Obviously she new I saw or wanted me to look.

We had supper. The kids were very naughty, and my W was not handling it well. She then started to blame me for the kids because I do not discipline them. How the heii would she know she is never around. We started to talk that what we are doing is not working, and the kids are hurting because of it. The kids miss her and cry for her all the time. I told her I want to be her husband and I foregive her. I just want to move on and have the chance for our M that we never had without the OM. Then she flipped and started bringing up that the whole marriage was bad, and all I do is manipulate and control her. That it is not about the OM and it is me. I say BS and that we both never had the chance to explore our new found appreciation for each other because the OM was always there!
Right then my daughter got upset and ran to her room. My W started to follow and then looked back and said "See what you have done!" I just could not hold it inside anymore. I grabbed the lingere out of her bag and threw it on the table. When she came out she saw it. I said now tell me the truth. She started to scramble, and then said I was the liar, and that all I am doing is trying to control her again and she needed to leave right now. She stopped in front of me, and I just looked at her and said "I do not know how to say this but I believe you have a problem that may need to be dealt with. You are going to be mad for me saying this but I believe your medication may be causing you a problem or you may have a chemical imbalance like being bi-polar."

Well I am sure you know how she reacted. She accused me of thinking she is crazy. I said no but from your actions it gives me reason to believe you maybe dealing with something more than the OM and our R. She said it was over and we are done talking! She will talk to me through her lawyer from now on. Then as she was leaving she said to me that regardless of who is in her life, and who she may have a realationship with her view of me will never be the same and she will never look at me the same way again, and that she will save that for someone else!

Well I may not have been the best example on how to DB, but it was time. I was unable to move on, and my W was moving closer to the OM. Actually I did find out that she did stay at the OM place last nite. I needed my truck she was driving so after I took the kids to the day home I went to our friends house to exchange vehicles. Wonder wonder she was not there. So I know where the OM lives and I went there. Sure enough I had to exchange vehcles in front of the OM house! How fun!

I actually feel better that it has ended in a way. I can move on. I spoke to a lawyer this morning. When we first seperated we were going to do collabrative law. So I hope we still can. The reason I wanted to talk to a lawyer was for the kids. The OM is an alcoholic and admitte gambler so I do not want him to be around the kids. Right now he isn't so there is the possibility of a restraining order down the road.

All in all i will still keep the door open for my W to come back. It will have to be because she wants it not me trying to influence her to come back. I need my time away from her to heal and she needs her time away from me to see if she does miss me or not.

Just like they say when you are going skiing by yourself, and you are waiting in line for the chairlift "Single anyone"