Hit the Wall....Am I on the otherside?

[Tim297181]

Ah well, if that is your intent, why don't you say so directly.

"W, I know you place importance on the symbolism of our rings. I want to give you my ring to hold for now. My removing it represents giving us both the space and freedom we need to see what we each want from the future. My giving it to you represents my conscious choice to let go of trying to control the outcome of this process and demonstrating to us both that I do not want a marriage R with you unless we both know that it is something you have freely chosen."

Thanx OT and Sassy. OT your words are very wise and it is exactly how I feel. You did say something on GH thread about me doing it for myself and not my W. Because of that I am going to keep wearing the ring. After thinking about it wearing the ring has alot more meaning to me. It may just be a symbol of something that is not there for my W in regards to my marriage. There is a symbol to me and it is what I still am fighting for and that is my marriage. How I will fight for the marriage is not through my W but through my efforts on myself.

Sassy in regards to before me losing my ring all the time. I just hate jewlery! I never liked rings. I had an office job, so my work did not impede me from wearing it. I always took it off when I worked out, so many times it would just stay off for weeks. I never thought much of it. The one thing I never did was lose the original! I still have it!
When we first seperated I realized how I just took for granted that my M was always going to be there and I did not have to work at it. So the ring took on a new meaning for me and reminded me of what needed to be done to have a healthy marriage!
My W and I did get new white gold bands when we recouncilled to represent our new start.....what a bunch of BS! That is why I was thinking of taking it off to show her that I was moving forward and that when she is ready to participate in building a new R and new M like we initiated with the rings we could both put them back on.

Even tonite I was postiive and upbeat. We did talk about the R a little but it was only when I told her I was planning to go out a few nites this week and on the weekend, and that we needed to set out a schedule for personal time away from each other. She right a way started in on the R discussion in regards to her being confused and not sure what to do, but knows what is happening right now is not working. So I told her point blank that my life is important and I need to build on it, with or without her, and that her actions right now in regards to the OM (even though she is open about talking and seeing the OM) causes me great pain so I need to build myself up without that pain! After that I told her I was going to work out after the kids have a bath and she can put them to bed.
All of sudden she did not like that I was leaving! She started to ask if I was really going to the gym since I already went for a quick workout at lunch, and if I was telling her the truth! Amazing how it can change that quick. I told her I am going to get out of the house and have my personal time, and give her the space she wants!
Soon after the conversation as I was getting ready to leave my D asked me to read her stories for bedtime so I did. Kids over ride the workout. By the time I was done it was too late to go to the gym so I stayed in the bedroom and folded laundry. Sure enough an hour later my W was in there asking if I wanted to sit and watch TV with her. I said thank you and I appreciate the offer but need time to myself. SO she left and came back again to ask so I did. Then she asked if I could rub her back!

All this just showed me how a little DB can go along way. The thing was I wanted the time to myself, and did not need to be around her tonite. So who knows, but I need time away from the sitch and my W even if it is in the same house!