Hit the Wall....Am I on the otherside?

[Tim297181]

So I believe it is time to see what is on the other side of the wall!
It has been long enough. It has been almost a year. The tank is just about dry for me personally.

I have given myself to helping my W succeed in school and her life but I am losing myself.
Today was the day for the talk.
Basically the last 2 weeks my W has been completely absent from my life and the kids. She has had midterms and has been home only a couple nites to kiss the kids goodnite. She has not always been studying there have also been several nites of drinks with friends and with the OM. She has a life without me and because of me.
So today after she had to sleep in after being extremely hung over we had a talk.
Basically she initiated the talk. It startedoff well in that she and I both wanted to discuss our sitch and how it was hurting us and the kids. We spoke about what was happening. She said she is confused, and knows the sitch has to stop. She knows she is hurting me, and feels i deserve better than her. She can not understand why I want to be with her.
I proclaimed my love, and new understanding for her. Similar discussions that we had when we recouncilled for a few months. How I found alot about myself, and how important she is to me and how much I truly love her. WE discussed that when we did recouncil for awhile we connected at a completely new and refreshing level. I spiled my guts. She is my soul mate. She will lite my heart and fills my body with joy everytime she enters the room and that will be like that until the end of time. I told her that I foregive her and that I hope she can foregive me.
Her respose was she loves me and agrees with me that we have found a new level of love but she still has a lot to deal with. Never outright said it but the OM. So I called her on it and said because of the OM we have not been able to explore our new appreciation for each other. She agreed but disagreed. She said she fell out of love with my 2 yrs ago, but saw me in a different light recently. She still loves me and loves the OM.
She said for me to go on with my life and that a divorce is what she wanted. The response was forced. she said that if i wanted a decision right now that is it!

A few minutes later after I was devasted (but expected it), she said she is not a 100% sure and is confused, but knows what we are doing needs to stop. Then she told me she had to see the OM tonite to talk, and that she was not going to put the kids to bed again.
Long story short. I have hit the wall. I have had enough. I do not want to divorce and I made that clear to my W, and that the decision to divorce is hers. the fact is I am tired and know this is the time to move on in life for everyone. The sad story is my W prefers to be with an alcoholic, gambler, and former drug abuser than me.

As of right now I still have some fight left but the wedding ring may come off soon, after a year in the trenches!