Hmmm... something in HP's new thread caught my eye, and got me wondering about this thing called "Validation". To wit:
[QUOTE] Eliminating resentment: 1. Say what your problem is. 2. Be validated by your partner. 3. Make a plan detailing behavioral changes for both of you. 4. Follow through on above plan. [/QUOTE]
That got me to wondering, can I remember ever being validated by W when stating a problem? Thing is, I'm not sure this has ever really happened. I guess I'm wondering what that would even look like. This is also followed closely by the thought that I need to examine my own attitudes and reactions to see if I have ever provided this for W. If I'm going to be asking for/expecting something, I need to be sure I have at least made an effort to provide it. Can someone give me a fer-instance on this? An example?
To the best of my recollection, any time I have ever stated a problem, the response I usually get is something like "Yes, but..." followed by a litany of reasons why nothing can be done about it, at least for the time being. There is usually reference to some mystical time in the future, when the planets will be in alignment, and something can be done. This does not feel like validation. Long-timers here will know the extent of my own efforts at behavioral and attitudinal change on my own part, and the maddening thing is that during our epic convo of this past weekend, W made reference to times in the past when I had been doing things for her, like helping out around the house, etc, and her feeling that I was "only doing these things to manipulate her into sex". Wow. Sometimes it seems the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get...
