One other thought… Have you considered that maybe H des not know HOW to enjoy himself, to focus on himself only, to be a little selfish? Going back to my understanding of his family and his tendency to be people pleaser, it seems to me that he never grew up thinking of himself. He was always focused on pleasing his father to keep the peace and prevent another explosion.
This is “parentification,” where a child assumes too much responsibility in the family because the parents are dysfunctional. The child takes on too many adult responsibilities (often the case with alcoholic parents). The result is that the child’s emotional development, sense of self and ability to relate to others is severely stunted.
It is not that your H is insensitive, or does not care for you, because it seems to me he is extremely devoted to you. But he is lacking in the knowledge and experience to deliver what you want. It is not his fault, though it is his (and your) problem. I think it is very important that you understand this at a VERY deep level to help him grow out of it. Parentified children stop emotionally growing at a young age and CANNOT understand this without proper help, guidance and education. But as long as their intentions are there, they can start up their lost emotional development again.
Just be aware of this and do not tread on his ego. Damaged adults will retreat to acting like children when attacked. That is the only way they know. So there’s some more FOO for you.
