Before you get too focused on his thinking Valentine’s Day is NOT for lovers, be sure you know where he is coming from. MY wife, and I know many other women, shift focus from the relationship to the kids. She would rather I involve myself with the kids to show my affection for her. She puts the kids first, so if I do too, then she feels I am supporting her wishes. Giving her a VD gift as mother then means more to her than a VD gift as lover, see what I mean?
This may be dysfunctional, but from what you’ve said about your H, I wonder if this same dynamic occurred in his family? If his father was controlling and abusive, it makes sense to me that his mother would focus on the kids and not her husband. So you H was trained to do the same, since he may not understand, or have been exposed to, anything else. And in this way, his intentions were right on target. He was thinking of you first!
But your background leads you to focus on your needs. And his act is not in line with your expectations. The only way to close this gap is to do what you did. Talk about it and be sure each of you understand exactly what is meant by each word you use.
If I am right about his thinking, then your jumping to conclusions (that his is not thinking of you first) has put him in a catch 22, don’t you think?
