First let me say that you are misreading me. I am currently making these comments directly to HP, not her husband. If I were talking to him everything would be different. Of course he is accountable too.
But more to the point, I am still reading in your comments a tone of entitlement, that women have a right to express themselves as they feel, and they are entitled to get the compassion from their husband that they feel they deserve. Who decides this? Only the woman? I say this not to attack, but to truly put light on the man’s perspective. I think you and most women acknowledge the fact that men do not need the kind of emotional interchange and conversation women need. After all, men can get along great with each other for years without ever touching on how each one feels about the other. It is not needed. So why is the standard the needs of the woman. You are still focusing on you. You will have to learn to get along with less than what you want and he will have to learn to give more than he wants. You know that.
You ask How does someone who is a conflict avoider do the following ("Your husband does not truly understand boundaries and for him to become healthy and happy, and therefore give you the love and attention you crave, he must learn to become more self protective and to take care of his own needs......He must learn to focus on his needs, how to address to needs and what he wants out of life. He needs to evaluate his priorities to come to the conclusion that he must back away from the enmeshment with his family. He must find self respect and self love, so that he has sufficient capacity to give this back to you. Helping him understand this, and supporting him on this journey is where you can help.")......if he's not challenged to do it in some fashion?
How do you guide a traumatized child to assert himself, to do all these things? Of course you need to push him off center, out of his comfort zone. This is what pays the mortgage for all those counselors. But you also know that if someone is not ready to face their fears, they will not do so. Take Happy Giant’s wife for example. Isn’t this what she is doing? And I told him to push her out of her comfort zone.
But this is getting into the role of counselor, which I do not want to do. I was trying to put forth the male perspective, to show you women where we men are coming from, to help you therefore help yourself. Specific problem solving needs that one on one involvement of the counselor. I hope you don’t take this as a cope out.
