I understand what you are saying on this....one question for you though. How does someone who is a conflict avoider do the following ("Your husband does not truly understand boundaries and for him to become healthy and happy, and therefore give you the love and attention you crave, he must learn to become more self protective and to take care of his own needs......He must learn to focus on his needs, how to address to needs and what he wants out of life. He needs to evaluate his priorities to come to the conclusion that he must back away from the enmeshment with his family. He must find self respect and self love, so that he has sufficient capacity to give this back to you. Helping him understand this, and supporting him on this journey is where you can help.")......if he's not challenged to do it in some fashion?
See...I struggled with this in some ways, and am just now having some success in getting my H to actually address these very things. He would NOT have ever addressed these issues though if I in some form or fashion challenge him to do it. He would not have done that if I hadn't brought to his attention that he was attending to everything else BUT me.
Granted, I did have to alter my approach a few times. Cobra...I also understand what you are saying......but I've got to say this. What you are saying truly does sound so very one-sided in the R to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm hearing in your post leaves me with the impression that Honeypot should understand all these things that are going on within her H (which I do believe she does do)....and be ok with the fact that she's not getting what SHE needs. What I'm really hearing is that not only should she be ok with it, she should stop asking for what she needs too....because that just puts pressure on him.
Am I misreading what you are trying to say? I hope so.
There are two people in this R....doesn't he hold some accountability too? I'm really not trying to be obtuse here....it just sounds to me like you are advising her to pander to her H's needs and forget about what she needs....be ok with the fact that she has some fundamental needs that won't be met....because asking for those needs to be met is pressuring him. That to me sounds absolutely ludicrous! That's why I'm trying to make sure I'm not misunderstanding .
