Alright, I went back and read your post again. Here are my thoughts.
Quote: His friends
He has none.
Quote: may tell him he is PW (pussy whipped),
Umm, don't you first have to crave the P and be willing to go to great lengths to get it, in order to qualify for the PW label?
Look. H is a people pleaser. He was like this before he met me. He doesn't do very many GAL activities but when he suggests them, I'm all for it. The one thing I do is to encourage him to come straight home after work--I'm fried from being home with the little ones all day. *However*, if he had something to do I would NOT make him feel bad about it. I try to encourage him to spend time with his brothers but he stifles his own need for a life and sacrifices it all to the greater glory of his family--and builds up resentment towards me in the process. Is this my fault? No way. Is there anything I can do about it? Not really, aside from forcing him out of the house and into activities which, frankly, I just do not have the time or the inclination to put together. I'm not his Mom.
Quote: Perhaps your expectations on what an ideal relationship should be are not in sync with the reality of what the two of you can deliver.
Perhaps you are right. It doesn't mean that I stop wanting what I want, though. It's who I am to want particular things that are unique to me.
Quote: He knows your resentment (women don’t let men avoid this) and will want to keep the peace, even though he may slowly be growing resentful that you always seem to want more (I am guessing here).
I agree with this assessment. I've been trying, since becoming more relationship savvy, to stop the resentment but things like this really get it going. If he feels an irrational need to keep the peace, I reiterate that that is his problem--not mine. Conflict avoidance has never been a friend to him and yet he turns to it, time and again.
Quote: If you tow were to get divorced and you had to go to work, and turn your kids over to him 50% of the time, so some other woman could be their part time mother, do you really think the timing a Valentine’s flowers or a “Mom” necklace is going to matter?
Fine, then, Cobra, let's turn this around. Why are you trying to get your R back on track? Why even worry about sex with your wife? If you were divorced you would only see your kids 50% of the time.......blah blah. As long as I'm in a monogamous relationship, I'm going to continue to try to be a good wife and hope that he will reciprocate. NEVER will I just say "Oh well, if I was divorced I'd be even more miserable.." That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. We all, consciously and unconsciously, push to get our needs met. It is human nature and has nothing to do with gender.
Quote: He is expressing himself as he believes, by working hard for the family, helping around the house, etc.
So let me get this straight.
I am to feed him, sex him, and admire him. Oh and keep the f*ckin house spotless, don't forget that. (as if I could ever forget it for even one fraction of a second, so conditioned am I)
He........provides for the family.
Cobra, do you not see that his contributions are for our family and mine are for HIM?
Where is the contribution to me?
P.S. I would appreciate it if you would respond to this last question with your male viewpoint and not by calling me a spoiled princess. The fact that I dared ask for something in this R that is not family-related in no way makes me spoiled. In fact, if you would ask my H, he would HOWL with laughter at the idea of me being spoiled within this R. He would unequivocally say that he is the spoiled one and I get his leftovers.
