This is just the sort of thing I am talking about. You are judging your husband from the perspective of how you think he should be treating you. From his perspective, he may be doing everything he thinks a man should do, and then some. It depends on who you talk to. Your girlfriends may say he should do even more, that he owes you for all the efforts you make, the time you spend with the kids, for all the attention you give him.
His friends may tell him he is PW (pussy whipped), should go out with the guys more, especially since he is the sole breadwinner, has gone through a lot of stress in losing a job and finding a new one in very short order (which can be VERY difficult in today’s job market). But who is setting the emotional tone in the household? You are. You are upset, getting mad at him and expecting him to now make it up to you in some way. And if he doesn’t read your mind properly, his efforts may just get him into even deeper trouble. So just who are you concerned with – you or him? Isn’t this the princess attitude Blackfoot talked about?
Perhaps your expectations on what an ideal relationship should be are not in sync with the reality of what the two of you can deliver. The wider this expectation gap, the greater the potential for disappointment. He knows your resentment (women don’t let men avoid this) and will want to keep the peace, even though he may slowly be growing resentful that you always seem to want more (I am guessing here). So more and more he walks on eggshells until he reaches the point, as in Nicegal’s marriage, where he doesn’t care anymore.
Don’t let things get to this point. Stop thinking about you and your hurt feelings. If you tow were to get divorced and you had to go to work, and turn your kids over to him 50% of the time, so some other woman could be their part time mother, do you really think the timing a Valentine’s flowers or a “Mom” necklace is going to matter? Alsion is right, be thankful for what you have and stop acting like a spoiled princess!
GEL,
Your comment I really feel you need to say this to him ("Today I feel depressed that I am not worth a little effort from him.) again gets to my point. Why does he need to be responsible for healing HP’s feelings? What did he do wrong other than not express himself as she thinks he should? He is expressing himself as he believes, by working hard for the family, helping around the house, etc. He will feel bad that HP feels bad, even though he may not think he is responsible. But he may be a little resentful, and I think HP could be seeing some of this in his comments.
HP, Sorry to be so hard on you. I don’t mean to make you mad but this is something of a sore point with me and I feel women do not appreciate all that men do for them. I really think you need to hear this and I am sorry if I’ve made you mad.
