Resentment:

It's a killer for me!

For me, it's as if I drink a cup of dye, right, and don't notice that it's nothing but blue dye. The next day my skin looks a little funny but I carry on with my day. Drink some more of that delicious drink. The next day my skin has a wierd tinge to it, I continue on. Drink some more. By the third day, I wake up and am absolutely blue. Head to toe. And I go, Fck! I'm resentful..that's what my problem is!

It is so sneaky that I don't realize it's even brewing in me til I'm already in resentmentville. Sometimes a thought will bounce around in my brain for months and I ignore it and someone on this bb will say something and, bam!, I'm filled with resentment and my poor H is off at work providing for our family and has no idea what I'm up to.

Last week, it was Chrome who mentioned something that his wife does that drives him crazy and I wrote back and said that nothing I do drives my husband crazy. I let this stew for a few days and finally asked him this weekend. He named off 3 things right off the bat. I was astounded and felt very badly. I attempted to explain to him that my resentment gets the best of me (he didn't even notice as I have gotten quite good at acting as if) and he has the power to wash it all away immediately with just a few kind words. It would wash away even quicker if he'd DO some of those things but, hey, who's keeping track. (where is that delicious drink, anyway, there I go again, lol)

I felt heartened by the speed of his answer and somewhat by the content. Like a lot of LD folks, his answers tend to focus around "special occasions" rather than everyday stuff. But some not. He named kissing as one and that is certainly do-able.

He's so enjoying his new routine with the new job...sleeps more, has more time in the evenings, feels more relaxed, etc. He has also been on a marathon to indulge himself in the things he likes to do that he has been foregoing in order to sleep (or ML to me ) and has been ignoring me in the process. I keep telling myself that this is part of the deal...we will all settle into this new routine sooner or later and not to make a big deal out of it and, for sure, don't start trying to control things. Which is hard for me, I know that will surprise many of my loyal readers. LOL

On to another topic.

Exercise:

Wow, it's really time. I went back to WW and discovered that I have gained 10 pounds since last July. I've never done this in my life..rapid weight gain..and I have to confess that it has me worried. Along with the hair loss and other weirdo symptoms of last year. I was SO dismayed to hear that, so now I am absolutely on board with getting in shape. I talk a good game for a loooong time, but once I finally make up my mind, there is no stopping me. I feel that familiar determination this time that has been missing in my other attempts.
We will not have insurance for the first 90 days that H works at his new job so I cannot go see an endocrinologist and ask what the bleep is up with me. I don't even think I gained weight that rapidly when I was pregnant! I have been eating worse, definitely, but nowhere near the amount of food that would warrant such a gain.
H even got inspired to go out and buy a new weight set this weekend, which is something we've talked about for years. He has said that he'd feel more libidinous if he was in shape but would not buy the weights. Actually I should say "could not", as I don't think he could have fit one more thing into his day.

This weekend my Grandma asked him if he was still going to Mass every day, since he started his new job, and with NO sense of shame, guilt or remorse he announced that, no, it's not fitting into his schedule anymore. More huge-ness.

In conclusion, I can feel that we are settling into a new routine. It certainly has its ups and downs as we all get our bearings, but if I can keep my paws off the resentment booze, we'll be okay.

HP