First off, sorry to hear about your dad. That is really rough. Anything can seem a lot worse than it is when you are viewing it through the lens of a life tragedy.
A few things jumped out at me HP.
"I explained to him that I need him to love me in ways that are meaningful to me (ie, physical touch), even and especially during hard times. He explained to me that he is tired."
"Quite frankly, I do not have the emotional resources, at the moment, to muster it up. I'm running on empty as it is and I bombed at doing things properly."
"I felt the resentment building but there was so much other stuff going on, that we did not defuse the situation properly."
"I'm in a funk about family matters and over-focusing on our R as the source of all my unhappiness. It's true that I could handle life's upsets SO MUCH better if we were ML but it's far from the *only* thing that's buggin me."
"I told him that lately I do not feel like a woman around him. I feel like an IT."
Exchange me for you and my W for your H, and switch all the gender pronouns, etc. and you have pretty much exactly my feelings. It is scary how similar your statements are to things I have said here or at least thought.
So my advice to you ... exactly what you have said to me. In a nutshell, chill out, as much as you can with all that you have going on. But you are fine, your M is fine, this is temporary, you will make it so long as you don't do something impulsive that you will regret later.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
