Well, NOP warned me that there'd be setbacks and, like the optimistic fool that I am, I pooh pooh'd the idea.
H and I have been sailing along for months and suddenly things began slowing down.
This came at a time where there are a lot of stressors in our lives. He is starting a new job. We are looking for a new house. My sister moved away. Just last weekend, my dad went into the hospital and he is not expected to live much longer. In short, things are unsettled around here.
He began pulling away from me when he found out he got the new job, before any of the other stuff came into play. I believe his mind is so preoccupied that he is exhausting himself with worry/anxiety.
I sucked it up and reminded him nicely that things were sliding, we managed to get back on track and ML wonderfully one night. Then that was it.
BAM, I'm mad. I will remind him once nicely but will not do it repeatedly for the rest of my life. I've always been this way, as long as I can remember. I will give ONE second chance but after that, I tend to cut the person out of my life. Except I can't do that with him! I'm married to him, darn pesky little vows.
I explained to him that I need him to love me in ways that are meaningful to me (ie, physical touch), even and especially during hard times. He explained to me that he is tired.
On and on it went like this.
Anyway, I have to admit that I was expecting setbacks but I figured they'd look like miscomminications, misunderstandings, times where one of us was tired, etc. I did NOT expect a full-blown reversion to his prior behavior that even a nice reminder did not remedy. I did not handle it well. Quite frankly, I do not have the emotional resources, at the moment, to muster it up. I'm running on empty as it is and I bombed at doing things properly. What I did instead was to completely pull away...retreat and just stop interacting with him, except as it has to do with the kids. He hates this--no one for his people pleaser to please. We finally talked a bit last night and I feel better. Still no ML, I can't stand the thought of getting back on the train only to possibly derail 3 months down the road. Since things had been so idyllic for so long, I just did not know to expect this.
I felt the resentment building but there was so much other stuff going on, that we did not defuse the situation properly. Eliminating resentment: 1. Say what your problem is. 2. Be validated by your partner. 3. Make a plan detailing behavioral changes for both of you. 4. Follow through on above plan.
At any rate, I did tell him last night that I was aware that much of my anger is being directed at him but has nothing to do with him. I'm in a funk about family matters and over-focusing on our R as the source of all my unhappiness. It's true that I could handle life's upsets SO MUCH better if we were ML but it's far from the *only* thing that's buggin me.
Today is his first day at the new job. I'm hoping that he can settle down a bit as he gets the hang of the new place. He is NOT a job hopper and here this is his 3rd company in the last year...got fired from the first place after a hostile acquisition and took the next job because it was there and now he finally has a place that he's excited about..is a perfect fit for him.
One last thing I'm trying to shake:
I told him that lately I do not feel like a woman around him. I feel like an IT. Any advice on how to shake that feeling would be greatly appreciated.
