QUOTE ____________________________________________________________ We never talked about our sex life and just went about the business of raising kids, working, eating, etc ____________________________________________________________
Step4,
That is the first major problem right there - you and your wife *never* talked about sex. Your name is appropriate because now you NEED to take the necessary step to communicate your feelings with your wife. Otherwise, it doesn't sound like you are going to get anywhere. It sounds like your wife knows that you MB, so it is possible that she thinks you are content with that lifestyle. You mentioned that you are scared to bring up sex because you are scared of how she will respond. What is the worst that can happen? If you don't say anything, then you can pretty much guarantee that nothing is going to happen. It sounds like you are living in fear of your own wife - what kind of way is that to live? You need to stand up for yourself: you are human, you have emotions and feelings, you have a right to a fulfilling, happy life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this!
It really sounds like you and your wife need to get into counseling. Would she be willing to do this? There are probably many issues to resolve after so many years without intimacy. Your wife also sounds rather cruel and (mentally) abusive in some of the things she has said to you, but yet you have not been hurtful to her. You said that you wife "needs you to provide the support and stability of marriage as well as deal with finances/crisis/etc.". What does she define as the 'support and stability' of marriage? How would she feel if you were not meeting these needs? The stability of marriage by its very nature absolutely requires intimacy in order for it to survive.
