Just, Initially, probably like most, at the beginning, I was looking for that magic bullet that would save the marriage. Then when it didn't seem like it was working, I thought about it and realized that I needed to make these chnages and if in the end it didn't move her to work together, then, yes, and not in a cocky way; but her loss. It does make me sad; because if these are the true reasons for us being apart, then it only takes some trust to believe in someone and try. If you truly love somoen, you will see that. For instance, I don't think anyone would blame me if I walked away from someone who had an affair; but I think as much as it hurts me that she did that, I would give her understanding and though I don't approve of what happened, I understand that at a weak moment she felt lonely. the difference between her and I on that is that I would never have done that with a married woman.
I guess right now, I am lonely and just want something to break for me, whether it be her or someone else. You know, a few opportunities to do some souple things with someone. the type of stuff that you can't really do with your buddies or by yourself.
I also, wish that I could talk to her about all of this. I think she isn't totally ready; but I feel like alot of things got misunderstood that I said during our marriage and that alot of my thoughts on things have chagned too as a result of this. Unfortunately, that goes against all of the DBing stuff. And like I said, I am not sure she is ready yet. I still see her processing guilt over the OM and other things she has done in her life to screw it up. This isn't just me saying that, this is based on comments she made. that is why I wonder if there is still hope; but she has to come out of this funk she is in and MLC before it could happen.
