I really don't think that reconciliation would have happened the way it did if she had walked out the door and I would have just went dark for a year. I don't even know if pulling away at the end had that much influence (I'll never know).
Wes, I agree with that assessment wholeheartedly. I believe my ex has always known and she confirmed yesterday that I still love her. If I had gone totally dark, she would have not thought that and then it may never even got to where we are now. (Wherever that is!!! lol) I also don't think that pulling away did a whole lot. I do think it may have made her act faster in that she already was ready; but when you did that she feared losing you.
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Nothing is going to change dramatically until the walk-away works through the issues. She had to do that first and nothing I did or didn't do was going to alter that. I sense your XW working through her issues, part fear of things going bad with you, some fear of what her family will do/say, part guilt, part low self-esteem, part a desire to explore her world now that's she's single.
I also agree with this. My biggest fears are her not overcoming the guilt in regards to her and I; but being able to move on with someone else who doesn't know all the details. Her family is definitely a big issue; but I sense that she is willing to put that out there, since she would have to ask her parents to watch the kids and she would tell them it was me she was going out with. I think my biggest fear is the possibility of her desire to explore her new singleness. I will not beg her to come back and I fear that she hasn't had the opportunity to go out there like me and date others. So, would she be happy with me or is she wanting to know what is out there. Am I just a temporary thing till something better comes along? See for me, I know that someone else could be out there; but if I could work on her and I, I would choose that. Not sure what she wants and I don't want to get used.
Lastly, like you said the most difficult part is to walk that tightrope. I want her to have space; but I also am at a different place than her. I am wanting and ready to work on things and it is hard to know she isn't there too.
I will try; but I am not so good at that. That is where I fear I will blow it!!!
