Quote: Your situation reminds me of Wes' (Just Me's). Look where he is today. I think a big reason he is where he is is because he constantly did sweet things for her. Everyone told him he was pursuing too much, but I think it made her love him again. After he set up a loving relationship between the two of them, he layed down boundaries. All this combined got him where he is today.
Is this how you see it Wes? I know that it seems that when you gave up, she came back. However, I don't think it would have happened if you hadn't done all the previous things you did. What do you think, Wes?
Sam, I agree. I think the groundwork for at least friendship is an important first step. I really don't think that reconciliation would have happened the way it did if she had walked out the door and I would have just went dark for a year. I don't even know if pulling away at the end had that much influence (I'll never know). My feelings are that the two most important things are working on having a friendship and the tincture of time. Nothing is going to change dramatically until the walk-away works through the issues. She had to do that first and nothing I did or didn't do was going to alter that. I sense your XW working through her issues, part fear of things going bad with you, some fear of what her family will do/say, part guilt, part low self-esteem, part a desire to explore her world now that's she's single.
That's part of why I push giving her some space. She can't work through her stuff when you are around. It's a difficult tightrope to walk....being friends and giving space. You'll manage it Frank. Just don't get impatient.
Wes
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
