Okay, here's the scoop. All in all my ex and I had a good day. We drove to the facility to get our son evaluated and then we stopped and had lunch. It was during lunch that a few things came out from her and some indicate a willing ness to maybe fix things; but she just can't get there and others confuse me.
While we were having lunch the topic of her asking for time off and going out came up. Her comment was that I would do anything that she wanted. I told her oh really? She said yeah. I told her that she needed to make sure she had the night off and taht when she knew when it was, that "I would make plans for us" She seems to disbelieve this and I think that is because when we were married, I always wanted to please her by taking her where she wanted to go and she made the decisions. I now want to show her that I can make those decisions. Maybe that is part of what she is looking for. SHe even attempted to find that out by leaving it up to me to order our dessert, which I did make the decision on.
Another issue was taht while we were having lunch, we talked about work and it came up how I basically told them a year ago that I would no longer let them control my life. That I had let them take awayt things that were important to me. To which she replied "It's too bad you didn't do that 6 yrs ago". Man that hurt. I wish she could just see that it is different now. I let work put fear in me that they would let me go and I had a family to support. I know that I let that hurt our marriage; but she also needs to understand that I did it for us and not to intentionally ignore them.
Then, as we talked about a couple of things, she made some strange comments. One was that we talked about doing a few things together and she basically was okay with it; but made the following comment: "So, what are you tryingto take up all of my free time???" To which I rplied: "No, I enjoy my free time too and don't want to give it up either." She also said look what I did when I had free time:(a reference to getting involved with the OM and her guilt about that)
Then was the part that made me feel like she might be using me or trying to protect herself from letting me know she cares. She said something to the effect: "Maybe youshouldn't do some of this; because I have been doing things on my own for awhile now."
Hey, she still wants to do these things with me and doesn't push me away. Question is: Is it because she is afraid to trust that we can make something of this or is it because she is using me? I would think the former; but I have been wrong before.
I guess I will need to play this out and still go on oth er dates as they present themselves. I do pray that she is just having issues with guilt about OM and other stuff. I honestly think she would push me away if she didn't want me around; but hey she is not me. That is what I would do.
Hey Just, is this the behavior that you talkedabout in regards to ex wanting to work it out; but trying to find reasons not to???
Oh yeah, in reference to her above comment about being used to doing stuff alone. I sensed the feeling in something she said that she felt like being alone was what she was destined to do and have no life. Ithink she is being self protective??? I wish I could just talk to her straight out; but she knows that I care. She pretty much said so; but I get the feeling she either feels unworthy of it or still has no feelings. However, if she had no feelings for me, then she wouldn't go out and such. So, I think protecting herself or looking for reasons to not think it could work. Man this is so hard to do. lol
