Yes, Just, I did go swimming with the X today as we had planned and for now she plans to continue too; but I behaved and such!!!
Well, next week is vacation week with the kids and so I told her I would like to take them overnight one night and she seemed okay with that. We also talked about droppingthe wage garnishment; because she was getting her money on time more when I paid her directly. So, she has to file paperwork and we have to go to court to deal with that...no biggee...(She is going through some financial pain and as much as I hate that, it is good for her to feel some pain in that regards. that way she knows what it is like. She will not take money from me to hold her over and then reimburse me. I think this has to do with pride.) Also, she is already aggravated at work; because they are tryingto put her on more hours than she told them she coulddo. That's typical. Anyway, she says to me, that if they push it she will find another waitressing job. Hmm, nice to not have to worry about a sustaining income. See that is what she doesn't get. I still am her main source of income. SO, I couldn't just say "Oh, I hate this job, I quit" That is the part she is missing in all of this and a major part of why we had issues. For her the job is just a little money on the side and a way to get out. For me, it has always been about supporting a family. Big difference.
Two other things came up...One was that I still need to get all the kids together for a family portrait with me. I haven't had one since we split. The last 2 years she has done them with her and the kids. I want one with me and the kids too. That seems fine. The second thing that came up was the dinner I had told her I would cook her a few weeks back. She still seems interested, so we will try and find some free time between her work and such.
Oh yeah, in the GAL department, I went to this place near my work and they have cooking classes, which is something I might try and do. Unfortunately, each 3 hr class costs $98. So, I can only do once in awhile; but I would like to take them. And no, not to meet women; but you never know!!! The other thing is that I have a date on Saturday night. It will be good to get out with someone else and the fact that they are of the opposite sex doesn't hurt either.
Anyway, I haven't totally given up on her and I; but I do think she needs to come to me as you said.
I know I will have some more down times; but right now, the week looks okay...We'll see...
Ok, So my work is sending paper checks to the State DOR and they are not getting there on time. So, my ex is not getting her child support on time and she knows it isn't my doing. So, we are going to go into court to get the wage attachemnt stopped and pay her directly again. THought it was going to be easier that way. Hey, the DOR wants to attach my bank account for arrears of $1500 which I can't even fix and it has been taken from my check already. On top of that they want to send info to the Credit Bureau because of supposed non-payment and there is nothing I can do to haly that. I do the right things and still I get screwed.
On the other front...had the date on Saturday and had an awesome time and was supposed to go out again tonight; but inthe end the fact taht I had younger kids worked against me. Hey that's okay; because if she couldn't handle that it wouldn't work anyway. It's just a bummer; because I had a great time and she did too. It gave me a great ego boost and positive attitude to deal with my X ; but now it kind of deflated me....I know I deserve better; but now it has put me back a bit. What I mean is that I felt like if I was going out and stuffthat my ego would be stroked and that the X would matter a little less and that she might even question why. Hey, it takes time to move on; but I went from glad to go out and go again to back to where I was. ANd I just don't want my X to see that part of being down. It was going to be great to be able to go get the kids and for me to not be obssed with my X. Now I hope I can have t he same attitude; but now I am a little down.
Anyway, I tried and I do deserve better than that woman I went out with. Whoever I may meet and like hads to accept the whole package and I theirs.
Well, just venting because I was up and now a little down.
Well, nothing new to report other than the X maintains the distance...
Well, Just, looks like you finally got me to where you kept telling me to be. Would I love to fix things? Sure Iwould; but I can't do it alone and yes, I always knew that...Just was hoping for better results.
I never understood why she got close to me spilled her guts and then turned tail and went into a shell with regards to me...pushing me away...It is sad; because I know that our problems are not major and were fixable...I also know that my daughter, although I started to think otherwise, still misses her old house and school, etc. That sucks to know that. In addition, my X is feeling financial pain because the money that is deducted from my paycheck is not getting to the state or the state is screwing up somehow. The kids are being taken care of and I have offered her money till this all clears up; but she refuses to borrow it.
She called today to ask if I knew anything else with regards to this issue. I told her that my company had disbursed a check on Feb. 13th...That check has not gotten there??? Well, she complained to me that she needed to take money from a high interest bearing account taht she has money in to pay for her auto insurance or they will cancel it...She knows it is not me; but she is angry that the money is not coming in and should be. However, not in a bad way; but I am glad that she feels some financial pain in all of this, as long as my kids are taken care of. She just doesn't get or acknowledge that without my income, regardless of her job, that she would be up the creek.
Also, she complained yesterday about having the kids 24x7 and not being able to go out...I told her that I would take my kids anytime. So, it seems her reason for leaving, "to protect the kids", which was BS anyway, is not an issue. Nice excuse.
Well, just journaling and venting; because I am so disappointed in her and her not working together to fix our relationship and our kids family
As bummed as I am about all of this I am okay and know I deserve better...I have always known that; but I thought we legitimately had a chance...Maybe we still do; but I am not holding my breath...
Got a call from my X and she gives me info on how to get the State and my work to fix it so that I don't look like I am not paying and so they can reissue the check that may have gotten lost.
I appreciate that she called; but then she thinks I am angr; because now she doesn't want to necessarily drop the wage attachment, after we agreed to do so. I don't care in the end; but I do not want to go through this headache each and every time that this may happen.
She and I agreed a week ago to just drop it, and it was my insistance to do so in the first place to hopefully make it easier. As it didn't turn out to be easier, she and I agreed to drop it. What I dislike isthat when I make and agreement I stick to it!!! Kind of like my marriage....Instead she just doesn't give a sh*t. Man it really hurts to think that you believed in someone and trusted in them and they just are not who you thought.
I guess I am so disappointed in her and her actions. Wh the hell did she get close again and want to do stuff and get excited about stuff only to back off and get nasty again??? I don't want to blow at her; but she really is irritating me because I tried so hard to get along and to hopefully fix things.
It really saddens me.
Hey maybe there is someone new or the OM again??? Otherwise why the standoffishness???
Last night I got contacted by a woman from one of those dating services taht I had tried to contact a few months ago. She replied back; but who knows if I will get a date out of it; but at least it is another ego boost.
On the other side, the X dropped off my sons and she came in. She had a bunch of errands to do and worked late last night so she wanted to go home to take a nap before she goes to work tonight. All in all the conversation was cordial and that was good. I dislike what she is doing; but at least we were talking nice!!!
Well, she needs a bunch of days off in the coming monthand one is for our sons dr. appt which is about 1-1/2hrs away. She wanted it off; but if they won't give it to her she said she is going to call in sick, then there is her sisters kids christening, which she is the godmother, and another thing that her other sister and her have tickets too and then I am getting my son on Wednesday; because she is doing the lunch run and her dad is not available on Wednesdays. That will be good since I get to spend time with my son!!! Oh yeah, and even thought she is not working on Monday, her dad told her that he is not available; because he is helping her sister with her kids. My X was not pleased, since she keeps telling me that the reason she moved next to them and took a job was because they said that they would help her out. Well, reality sets in!!! Life isn't always what you think. In a good way, it is good to see her taking a little pain for this. Maybe she will finally realize that doing this wasn't necessarily the right thing or a good thing. Not that it will have her and I back together; but it is nice to see that everything is not just falling in her lap. Maybe in her next relationship, be it with me or someone else, that it takes effort on both parts and tolerance. I can only hope that she will start to realize that work, etc. is not easy by yourself and that I did do alot for her and the kids. Still do. It will just be sad that she may realize too late or with someone else.
I wish I knew why I can be so disappointed and angry with her and still carealot for her.
Well, this letting go stuff is real hard. I still care and I do go out and try and have a life; but the saga of dates that never happen, the meeting with friends that doesn't happen...ALl of this contributes to loneliness. I am doing okay; but like I have said before I wish I could catch a break. Believe me, I don't want my X back unless she really wants back; but in the meantime, I would just like for soe things to go a bit better than they are right now apart from her!!! ;-)
Well, I keep plugging along and I'd be lying if I said it didn't suck!!! lol
Okay, still swimming with her and yes, even detaching a bit more from her. I feel less needy of her; but there is still that something that makes me want to fix it with her. Who knows maybe there is still a chance.
Hey Just or anyone else who cares to comment from experience. Is it possible that she is still working through her issues and her strive for independence and that is why she is not coming back. Why is it that she still does stuffwith me? I wish I understood. To me, I would think that if you divorced someone, that is the last person you would want to be around??? Am I incorrect in this thinking??? She even leaves the possibility of dinner open, etc???
Things sound fine. You are doing well. Just be patient with her...it's about her finding out what her life is going to be. You're doing fine on the friendship front and hopefully you are able to talk like friends do. Are you listening enough? Remember...listen, listen, listen.
Quote: Hey Just or anyone else who cares to comment from experience. Is it possible that she is still working through her issues and her strive for independence and that is why she is not coming back. Why is it that she still does stuffwith me? I wish I understood. To me, I would think that if you divorced someone, that is the last person you would want to be around??? Am I incorrect in this thinking??? She even leaves the possibility of dinner open, etc???
Don't even bother trying to analyze this. I do believe that she's working through whatever it is she needs to work through. All you can do is give it time. She does like spending time with you, otherwise she wouldn't bother. Just accept what you have for now and wait for her to initiate (meaning...let her do the invites, etc) if she is going to.
I know it's hard, but you are doing fine.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks for the pep talk. I do believe she is okay with hanging with me; but I guess that sometimes I am not so sure. For instance, when we swim laps, we might do some small talk; but in general, we are about a half a lap apart from each other. So, is that really considered hanging out? Also, it's not like she can stop me from going on those days. The only thing is that, yes, she doesn't have to go; but maybe it is the only time she can go??? Well, enough of the negative...I guess if she didn't want to go, that she could find another time or just say that it bothered her. I hope it doesn't.
Real hard though to not keep hoping. Also, hard to keep going forward without knowing if I will have to either give up totally or that I may have to stop and wonder whether to take her back. It's hard to want something and not know if it is right or will work???
Thanks again for your input. It may not work out; but I know that as much as it may hurt, that I am doing all I can and can look myself and my kids in the face and say that.
One last thing. I said to a friend today: "How come after all the things she is doing to me, pushing me away, the affair with that guy, etc. do I still want to see if it can be fixed??? That's the part I don't get (And no, it's not for the kids!!)
You seem to be over-focusing on her, analyzing her movements and choices too much. Try reading something The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley, to learn how to detach mentally and philosophically, not just in one's words.
Let it go. It will be quite some time before you have a chance with her. Use that time and energy instead to improve and invest in yourself.
