Last night when I got to my friends house, I honestly thought that I had given up for good. I never even talkedto my friends about anything that happened which is unusual for me with them!!! I guess I was wrong...I still have feelings for her and that is what makes this hurt.
See, I have and continue to work on my flaws and I will never be perfect; but I think I'll come close!!!
I guess I really thought that based on her complaints when we separated that my changes would make alot of difference. I guess I felt we were the classic example of someone who acted too hastily in divorcing and that by my working on me that she would appreciate it and come around too. I am happy with most of me and disappointed when I stumble. I really thought we could be a success story. I know in the end I will be a success; because I never want to go back to where I was a year ago.
For her, I am disappointed that she doesn't acknowledge the changes, that she doesn't see her faults and that she doesn't give things a chance. I mean if I was still doing the things she complained about, then fine; but I am not. Yes, every so often; but rarely, I do have stumbles; but on the whole, I have been determined to be nicer and to try and let things go alot of the times. I know that it isn't worth it.
So, when do I get to reap some benefits from this stuff??? lol I mean if not with her, then why not anyone else? I feel like I always lose out to someone.
I am basically alone, as my mom and I never see eye to eye. I am happy with the ways I have worked to improve myself both mentally and physically; but I feel like I will never have that love again. I mean it took 22 years to find the person I wanted to be with and then another 10 to finally get her and I to marry. then poof 11yrs later it is in ruins!!! Well, enough venting for now; but I just want something positive to happen.
