I do regret that she was hurt by that and that is not who I am. That was said during a time where she was angry at me too!!!
Well, I'd say it's still part of who you are, and not part of who you want to be.
Changes take a while to become second nature. Along the way, we make mistakes.
Practice, practice. Practice on everyone around you.
If she chooses to be angry at you, that's her doing, and no justification for like behavior, right? In fact, it's in the face of adversity that staying on the high road has its most merit.
If you were in a healthy love relationship, and your partner was angry at you, that would be when you'd have to say to yourself, "I love this person... she's angry... I'm pissed... but in what manner should I react?" as well, right?
I wish she... but if she only... then she might realize...
Wishes and Ifs, my friend. That's dealing with fantasies.
I mean she also needs to realize that she isn't perfect either.
You know it's natural for people not to recognize their own flaws and not see how their behavior affects others, because their behavior doesn't affect them.
but I just feel like this is never going to get any better and that saddens me; because I honetly know that it could be wonderful if both of us would just give it a chance... it seems unlikely that she will ever come around.
So let me ask you, back in the heyday when your M was going well, did you feel that it was always going to be wonderful?
IOW, you're projecting today into the future as if things can never change. Yet change is the only constant.
She's not on the same page as you right now, and so thinking in terms of "if only she would..." is not dealing with things as they are, but as you'd like them to be, and that can be upsetting and disappointing because you're focusing on a dream. When circumstances change, then the dream may become reality.
I will keep trying for now; but when do I totally give up? I mean I will do other things and maybe date too; but right now as angry as she can make me sometimes, I still love her. Just afraid she will never let herself love me back.
That's nothing you have any control over, you can only influence it along and nurture it, so that if and when she has reasons to change her views, there you'll be, all shiny and nice.
When do you 'give up'? Well, better interpersonal skills and self-growth you never give up ideally, 'letting go' or 'dropping the rope' is better done sooner than later, as well as is 'moving on' by focusing on yourself and GAL and planning as if she's never to return... all that being said, you'll know when you're done when you wake up one morn and nothing about this is on your mind nor bothers you anymore. You'll heal and accept what is, and even then, you could have the door open, you'd just not be hanging around the door.
