She said you will always be annoying. Man that came from nowhere.
No it didn't, you had just irritated her, said so yourself.
Think of her as having this wound that hasn't healed, and if you irritate it slightly, the whole thing flares up. Women tend to speak in global terms... "you will always be annoying"... what does that mean? That there is still friction being caused and so she doesn't see any basis for thinking that's going to change anytime soon, if ever?
You said you put your foot in your mouth, so apparently your foot is under your control.
Since you're a religious man, you may want to meditate on the scriptures that say (and I'm just giving the gist of it here), 'put away all hurtful words' (Ephesians 4:29, 31).
I am angry at her and want to let loose on her and tell her how she has destroyed ours and our childrens lives.
Though you have a right to be angry, and anger is a normal emotion, that "letting loose" would be a destructive manner to unleash the anger. I found the most constructive way to use anger is as fuel in making one's self determined to be assertive, firm, yet kind; as in setting and maintaining helpful boundaries.
I have a tough time believing that the love can't be rekindled.
Sure it can, in some cases. "Falling in love" is one part chemistry, one part setting, and one part timing. The chemistry part is already there, so the setting and timing may not matter as much; but as much as it can be under your control, repetitive contacts that are pleasant and positive are key in rekindling lost feelings. Repetitive contacts that are unpleasant heap more damage and can stomp out finally any last glowing ashes of love that may remain.
