Well, we met to swim today and she is getting a bad cold. She said I shouldn't have come today because of that and the fact that I didn't do stuff yesterday so I have to do it today. We swam for about 25 minutes then we went into the hot tub for about 10. While in there stupid me reached for her hand. She pulled it back and said don't
Well, I should have expected that. However it is the first time she has pulled back. So, I guess I should probably assume that this is nearing an end?? It saddens me to think that may be the case; but isn't that an indication that she just wants to not be with me??? I just feel used. I know that I let myself go there and I knew the consequences before going in; but I really had hoped that we could fix things...I know that there is still the chance; but is that realistic??? Only she knows and maybe people like Just who have been there before???
She hasn't said go away; but isn't that pretty much what she is saying by her actions??? So, the question is do I totally pull away or do I still maintain contact and swim like we have been??? I really do enjoy the workout with her; but I am bummed too.
I am lost on this. I am still open to fixing it as much as I am open to meeting new people to hang with too. The latter hasn't really happened alot.
My other issue is that I really don't care for the place I am in now and would love to move to the town where she and the kids live; but I am afraid of being lonely and having to start over once again after a year of doing that. Plus, I am afraid I will constantly think about her and if she or the kids are outside. Really, beyond her, what it comes down to isthat I miss my kids daily and I feel like she had no right to take them from me...just as I would have had no right to do that to her either...I am there for my kids; but as my youngest innocently said...I am not in their family; because I don't live withthem. As innocent asthis was, it really hurt and I resent that she took what I wanted most from me...my family.
