Well, let's see. My X had to go to orientation yesterday morning for her work. There was talk of her and I meeting up at Winterfest with the kids. She has them this weekend.
I waitied till 12pm and then I started playing Xbox online football. I was kind of bummed that I hadn't heard from her and figured I was getting the big blowoff. Around 1:30pm I got a call on my cell saying that they were headed to Winterfest and that she was running late and just left the house. I asked her if she wanted me to go and she said "It's up to you"...I guess I just didn't want to intrude if she didn't want me there. Anyway, I met her there and her sister and my neice/godchild and my nephew and her husband all hung out. At one point I was with 3 of my kids and the others went to do something else. I felt insecure as to what they were doing....that is a problem I have to deal with. Well, we all hooked up again and I asked her if she wanted to go take the kids to dinner. She agrred to that. So, we went...I believe we had a good time. When we went to leave, she made some comment about how it must have been expensive with what we all had. I didn't say much; because I just enjoyed us all being together. She thanked me; but there is still something distant at times about her. Like she won't let down that wall. She needed to give 2 kids showers and get them to bed and I knew she was tired. I offered to help like I do sometimes and she told me "No, I can deal with it. It's only 2 of them" So, I let it go. Was bummed; but...
It's hit or miss on whether she shows any bit of caring...So, I wonder what it is all about and maybe she doesn't even know. I mean sometimes she just gabs about her new job and other times she doesn't say a word??? Up and down and it really throws me. During dinner she told me that working out on Wednesdays with my stepson might be a problem...(We workout on Mon &Fri too) I guess he gets tired and has homework etc. I wonder if that is the issue or if she is trying to back me away. Only time will tell.
Well, they went to their car and I said bye to them. I then said to her I will see him at the gym on Monday...She said yes...Then I said and we are still on to meet to swim laps on Tues morning...She also said yes...
I guess like NY said I should just enjoy the moment; but I want more whether it be her or if it has to be, someone else.
Well, I guess I just have to ride it out; but I am afraid to keep caring; but I don't want to stop yet either; because even though she is not going forward in showing me anything, she is not going away either. Maybe I am being used; but maybe not.
I know this is the same theme for me lately; but this is what it is about for me. I mean today I am by myself and it is a snowstorm and she is there with the kids I wish I was there with them.
