You can't force your XW into being part of your future. You at some point need to accept that you are divorced, that you will have visitation with your children, and that you need to find a way to have the best possible relationship with them. It is okay to give up the dream. I worry that you are so tied into your XW that you can't even forsee of a happy future without her and that being fully happy isn't possible without her. I won't blow smoke up your butt. You are divorced and may never be back together with your XW. The odds are against it. Accepting that possibility allows you to plan your life as though she isn't ever going to be a part of it. It allows you to live life fully.
Frank, I gave up on my XW. I accepted I wasn't going to have a relationship with her again. I dated. I enjoyed the company of friends and other women. I made the most of my time with my kids. She came back of her own volition, not through my begging and pleading and wishing it was so. I was at a point of being able to take her or leave her so that if she didn't come back I wouldn't be crushed. I feel at this point that if you found out your X was dating that you would be devastated.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
