Man, I don't know if it is the rainy weather or what; but I am real down. I really feel like this is the end for her and I. Or at least my persception. Maybe it was over for her long ago. WHich is something I will never understand; because I believe in promises and love and the ability to rekindle it based on cooperation between the 2 people, which is lacking on her part.
I just feel like I am beating my head against a wall and for what??? I moved into the apartment and I will have thekids this weekend and enjoy it; but I am so lonely lately and really hoped that she and I would have started working on things. I just feel like it is never going to happen and that she just keeps moving on with her life and I can't find a way to let go. Everything I ever wanted, a marriage, wife, kids, a family has been taken. Even if I get another marriage or relationship, I will never be able to give my kids what I had and that was a family in a normal way. Also, I will always be on the outside looking in, even though I was not the one who walked away or messed around with a married person. I don't want her to have to pay for her mistakes, pers se; but it seems like I am paying for her mistakes!!!
I know it will get better and I have to help myself get there; but I am having such a tough time doing so. And I also don't want to let go of the belief that she and I can work it out; but it has been separation since July 2004 and divorced since July 2005...In reality, what chance is there for an "US" Probably none
