Just_Me, Thanks that helps keep the spirits up for now. I will say this. Your sitch is a bit different from mine in a few ways. One is that we have been apart longer. Another is that she claims the affair started just before our divorce was final and it did involve sexual relations. It wasn't just and emotional affair. However, I do think she legitimately regrets getting sucked in and as she stated to me the other day: "I know I am a good mother and person" Seems to me she is struggling with the guilt of the affair and until she deals with that, she will not be a person I can be with. As I said, my thought on the affair is that it may not have been physical or have started in her mind till months before the divorce; but I do believe that OM had been working her sympathies from day one of our separation. He pretty much admitted to her that he used to watch her from day one of them moving in!!! So, I think that in order to have an us, if ever, that she needs to get past any guilt, to realize that there is someone there who has busted his butt to become the man she married again and better. To realize that this OM played on her sympathies when she needed a sympathetic ear; but that his was not true and that mine is. I am sad that she keeps holding on to the "too late" theory. I never believe in that. Things can always be fixed. Both have to just give it a chance. I am there she needs to get there.
I believe that in some ways she has woken up; but in some ways she will not give herself the chance to believe that an "US" would be better this time. Is it her, is it her family, who knows. I do know that I am better these days than before; but I still pray for there to be an US someday. If not, I guess I will be better for the next person.
I do know that it really irritates her that for the past year, in her eyes, that I have had the freedom to just go out and have a wild time while she has the kids. (That was her choice not mine. Believe me, this isn't what I want nor is it fun to be apart from the kids or her) But her perception is that I am making out on this and she is missing out on the fun!!! Right...
As I said, my thought on the affair is that it may not have been physical or have started in her mind till months before the divorce; but I do believe that OM had been working her sympathies from day one of our separation. He pretty much admitted to her that he used to watch her from day one of them moving in!!! So, I think that in order to have an us, if ever, that she needs to get past any guilt, to realize that there is someone there who has busted his butt to become the man she married again and better. To realize that this OM played on her sympathies when she needed a sympathetic ear; but that his was not true and that mine is. I am sad that she keeps holding on to the "too late" theory. I never believe in that. Things can always be fixed. Both have to just give it a chance. I am there she needs to get there. 
