I wish I could have waited. I wish I could have not felt the way I do, but she has just burned too many bridges. She still blocks her number when she calls. She also still calls about stupid things. I do not care to speak with her anymore. You're right, a piece of paper will not make the hurt go away. It won't make things better. In fact, nothing will change except the fact that we're married. I just can't be married to her anymore. I tried my hardest to fix things. I tried everything I could. I honestly do not believe that she loves me at all though. She is a complete jerk every time I have spoken to her. She is rude, and she is trying to get a rise out of me (eventhough I do not let her) every time we spoke. She is unrepentant, and she is continually lying to me and to the OM.
By the way, the OM used to date a cop from another town. He dumped her to be with my wife. He knows a lot of cops from that town. Cops in my department know those other cops, and say he has trouble keeping girlfriends becaise he is pretty much still in the Army in his own mind. He is apparently a very...intense...individual. He gets passionate about one thing (or person) and then uses it up. Once he has lost interest, it is over. I think she is in for a big surprise from him. I do not feel bad though. This was her decision, and she has been planning it for quite some time, or at least that's what the evidence suggests. This is her decision to make and her mess to clean up when it fails miserably. As much as I would have liked to be there for her when she finds out that the grass isn't greener, I simply do not think I could ever go back to her after all she has said and done. How could I ever be intimate with her again? Would I not be constantly be thinking "did he do this with her? Did she like it? What things has he done with my wife that I am doing now?" Every time we are intimate, I would have the picture of the OM doing the same thing to her. I don't think I could do it. I don't think I'm strong enough.
Maybe I do need a vacation. Maybe I do need to step back. She keeps calling though. I keep not answering.
