Thanks for the supportive posts. I really needed them.
I saw Counselor today and told her all the events and some other stuff that has since happened.
AmyC, your story about mentoring is so close to something that happened to me. I'll have to tell the story but the short version is I went from 'just a programmer' to 'president of an internet service company with 4,000' customers in 2 years because of this persons FAITH in me.
And you're so right on with your description of where she is at, and what she needs to learn. Counselor said almost the same thing, that she needs to realize that 'freedom' DOES come from being in a healthy relationship, a family, a group. And that WE are developing one slowly. She has hit a bottom in her faith and self worth, and the person who lifted her back up was ME. As she said 'how can you do this after all I've done to hurt you?'.
Because this is true love. Not 'in love'. I hope she sees that soon.
C said she was thinking of me the past few days because I have been so worn down by all the support I have to give, and none of MY needs are getting met. She said she could see my glass was almost 'empty' and she could feel that something was going to happen soon. And it did. She was totally unsurprised by the crash but had been predicting it for weeks, and said my supportive responses without trying to FIX things were excellent.
She said that W has got to be totally confused because everything she thought was true about me wasn't, everything she thinks about 'freedom' isn't, and in her current life of building a new 'independent' business I'm her biggest fan.
Anyway, today something else happened with W that has changed the dynamics yet again. Not a bad thing, but I can't take the time right now to give a meaningful explanation, and you know how I like to be precise in my writings.
Counselor will see her thursday which is just in time during these crises. She'll be ok after this meeting. I'm leaving for the 3 day mens retreat on friday and I think everything will be clear to me when I get back.
I just want to say, that I've learned a lot about myself, about my strengths and weaknesses. But the most important thing I've learned it to reach out to others, instead of believing I can do everything MYSELF with nobody's help. It actually makes me stronger knowing that. And, I have a mission in life that I am seeing slowly defined by this experience.
It's people like all of you, who come together and reach out to each other during our times of crisis that have opened my awareness to a part of myself that has been dormant for a long long time. Thank you all for letting me have some of YOUR strength when I was out of mine.
I'm emotionally drained right now, I need to take a few days for me. W is 'lifted up' again and C will finish the job in a couple days, then I can go do what I have to do. And then it will be over, that long 5 years of living in the dark.
