I have an office space in the same building W's Dad has his space, actually I sublet an office from him. He get's along with me quite well and didn't really approve of what she is doing.
I came to the office today around 1:30 or so and noticed W's car parked in front of the office. Then her dad drove up and parked in the street and I saw she was with him. They had planned a 'lunch date' but I didn't know it was today.
Anyway, when she got out of his car she saw me and waved but didn't come to talk to me, she looked a bit upset. SO I let it go.
Talked to her dad, who of course does his best to honor her privacy but he thinks he is a good judge of people and will talk in generalities about she and I without quoting her. He knows where I'm at as far as me believing that there is 'hope' because of our odd interactions that I mention to him.
So we got to talking and he did tell me that W told him she stopped E-Mailing OM and that was over. That's good.
Then he told me that she is determined to move her life 'forward' and will never ever go 'back with me' because she believes it will just go back to 'the way it was' and she's simply not going to take that risk. She sees that I've changed but doesn't trust herself, or me, to not become dependent again.
So, he says 'I really think you should just move on' to me. I didn't say this before because I didn't want to dash your hopes but that's what I think now. You should just focus on yourself and your girls.
Then she apparently told him about her 'physical' feelings and how "I" brought up the possibility of sex (I did not, she did) and I justified it by saying some divorcee's do that if they are amicable. She said that she was confused because her mind says one thing but her body is saying another thing.
So, he told her to trust her mind, get a vibrator or something. Said 'guys run on libido so you have to be aware of what's true or not true for yourself'. Thanks a lot, that helped.
He says she is SO convinced she is doing the right thing with her path in life and the more she keeps justifying it to herself, the more she convinces herself so he thinks it will never change and actually he sees the door 'closing'.
Even though I point out all the odd interactions she and I have, hugs, rubbing her feet, other stuff. He says that he thinks HER perception is that is what 'housemates' and friends would do.
It was very disillusioning talking to him. I have to take his words at face value, he did talk to her, she did tell him she was through with 'US' for good. She blamed all the 'sex' talk on ME initiating it and he basically told her she should back it off if she was uncomfortable.
I don't know if this was her having to prove to him that she was in control of her life and 'knew' what she is doing, or if it's the way she really feels. He sure seemed to think she was genuine in her feelings about 'moving on' and never going back and that the things that we found attractive about each other, that brought us together, are no longer there.
This really hurt. Now I really don't know where she's at. I mean she asks me to massage her feet last nite so I did. She playfully jokes and flirts with me, she hugs me and 'feels sexual'. All a big misunderstanding by me? Her perceptions and my perceptions are not the same obviously, at least that's his opinion.
She's "moved on" "going forward" "Never looking back" "needs to be independent" and all this stuff.
I was feeling so positive too. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, he actually thinks he's helping by telling me that his impression is 'Frank, just move on, she isn't going to ever want to be married to you again'.
I don't know. Maybe everything I've been seeing really is her inexperience in dealing with a relationship break up. She doesn't want me to hate her so she is trying hard to be nice, and a friend. Maybe I am reading too much into these things she does. Everyone else WANTS me to be successful at DB'ing so I don't know if what we 'see' as 'baby steps' or whatever is just wishful thinking. I feel awful right now.
I knew I should have stayed detached with no interaction with her. Now I hurt myself again. This sucks.
