Thank you for giving me the links to all your threads. I thought I had found all of them previously but was miskaken; I went ahead and did take the time to read everything.
You certainly have made the best and most loving choices you could in an extraordinarily difficult situation. I can't imagine what this is like. It's like you are being asked by the Universe (and yourself!) to be the proverbial Rock of Gibralter while also agreeing to let yourself be as open and vulnerable as possible. It certainly must have felt that you've been in an emotional hurricane for a long time now. I'm saddened by your W's reaction to your depression. I don't think my H has ever really forgiven (?!) me or regained his respect for me after my own bout with it...you know and I know there is a point in depression when the ill person has no control over their reactions and needs the help of those who love them. My H also feels like he did everything to help me, but a great deal of the time it only served to make things worse or preserved the status quo, totally leaving me to pick up the pieces by myself. My work has now been to move away from victim mentality and forgive both the H and myself. He only started to feel sorry for me - love lost at that moment! - and stayed, afraid I might kill myself - sounds familiar, I'm sure.
Enough about me. I agree with bj... you are extremely fortunate in your choice of C. It sounds like most of your W's reactions and stages have been correctly anticipated by her. So...I think you may be able to put some more of the pieces of the puzzle of your W's current behavior together by using the C's thoughts. Your C said to expect that she would, at some point, have physical attraction and feelings for you again. What did your C say about the best 'stance' you could take in such situations - I mean for your own sake? I think you're right about women generally having emotional connections when having sex. Wouldn't this be good? Or, would your W's possible backlash (out of guilt, resistance to going back to the M?) be too painful? Again, what did the C suggest with regard to your choices and reaction to this situation?
So...what IS the story about D and your W? Is she grasping at it thinking it is going to make her feel in control of her life? Is she dancing around it, not really knowing how she feels? What are your thoughts (and again, what would your C say?)?
