Quote: They need us but dont want us and this makes them angry. What has to happen is that they stop needing and start to want us again, without needing. Like your exGF Pamela. In their current state they are unattractive to us. It is when we want each other again, if that ever happens, that we will get back together.
Yes, and right now my W doesn't think she 'needs' me but I really don't know how she reconciles the fact that, while she is still living in the house with me, she is in a better financial position so she can get her business off the ground than if she were to get an apt. She KNOWS this to be true.
It's hard to make it come across in our postings but my W is not crazy or scatterbrained, she's actually doing a good job getting organized and getting her massage business started up.
She was very excited today since this is the day she got her workspace finally. She's setting things up and when I spoke to her at dinner (she made a quick dinner for just me and her) she was happy, and worried she wouldn't make enough money. I told her I have a lot of confidence in her and she said she did too, but was nervous.
She kind of paused in the middle of our conversation and told me about going for a little hike today and sitting on a hill enjoying some quiet time, and how it helps her start her day right. Then she got quiet, looked down at the table and said that she feels herself going through a spiritual change in her life. She seemed uncomfortable and didn't look at me when she said this. My first thought was that she was moving farther from me, but then I remember that when she last thought OM was out of the picture she had a similar reaction when she said something to me about it. So, I'll think that she is realizing that OM is not the answer to her growth. But she probably thinks neither am I.
Now, before she said this we had been talking, joking, making lots of eye contact and I felt some connecting. She was also a little 'flirty'. In fact I was looking at her thinking how much I loved her for what she is becoming in spite of the hurt. Maybe I was smiling too much? Too much eye contact?
We took D10 and a friend to 'bingo nite' at her school. Sat next to each other and across the table from a couple we didn't know very well but were very nice. W was joking and flirty with me and we were making fun of each other as we played our cards. She got up and bought some treats, brownies and cookies and gave me the brownie. I said it tasted kind of weird and she had me 'feed' her a bite. We were inches away from each others face. We laughed about it. We shared little smiles, looks and other stuff for a few more minutes.
Then the woman across from us said 'It will be a real test of your marriage if one of you wins the Bingo game against the other!'. Wow. Pain went through me and I'm know W felt uncomfortable too. We kept playing the game and smiling but the fun and flirtyness ended. She got up in a few minutes and went to go sit with another friend and didn't come back till it was time for us to leave.
Now we're home, back in our own spaces again. When I saw her a few minutes ago she was being very pleasant and joked with me about something, I forget what.
So she comes out of her shell, keeps me at arms length but plays with me and is flirty. Then she totally crashes away. If you were to ask her I'm SURE she would say she's "trying to build a great friendship with me, and nothing more".
I feel like crap. I did it again, I let her get too close to me so she could withdraw again and I got hurt. I do not understand her at all. Why does she do this? Just naive about how to be a friend to a soon to be ex husband? What?
This is such a rollercoaster ride. I have GOT to stay away from her for a few days for my own mental health.
