Interesting to see you are still on the coaster a bit, but it seems like you have a LOT more control now over your emotions. I am starting to believe that none of us here who have made the commitment to suffer through the lies, betrayal, perceived disrespect and all the other garbage that comes with our WAS doing what they're doing, will ever totally detach in the face of our spouses potential change of heart. Hope went through it, you are, I did yesterday, Rob is doing it. We all detach with certain degrees of success but after so much pain we are much better at insulating ourselves from negative energy from our WAS. When we are presented with anything positive, we still often revert back to our old non-detached selves. Is it that no matter what we begin to think in our mind about how we don't like who they've become, or that we're ready to move on, we are still harboring hope somewhere that they will come back? Can we, or should we ever extinguish this flame of hope? If we do, doesn't that really go against who we all are. Sure, some of us may have started as codependent people suddenly ripped of our support system but many of us are beyond that. Some of us are just willing to see the positives in a situation that seems full of negatives. In any event, we should all have answered that question early on "Do I need her/him, or do I love her/him?" The answer may change for you over time, it did for me. Frank, I see you as one of the more compassionate, spiritually connected people on these boards and I believe that no matter how far along in this process you get, you will always have a place in your heart for your W. I, for one, do not think that is altogether bad because it is true to who you are. A lot like people that say that if we give up our freedoms, then the terrorists have won, I feel like if we give up our capacity to love these WAS of ours, we have let THEM change us in a fundamental way. If they leave for good, we still stayed true to our belief in love, honor, commitment and growth. That is my hope, that I can come out of this with those beliefs intact because it would be so easy to do otherwise. That is my hope for all of us.
