She just came into my office all upset. She told me that she was upset because she had been thinking about her Grandmother and her Grandfather and how their relationship was indicative of her life. Her grandmother is a very sweet and passive person, while her grandfather was a very strong and angry man. when he was alive.
She said she wished she didn't have to go through this transition in her life but she couldn't stay the way she was. She just stood there for a moment then started to cry a little. I asked her if there was anything I could do. She said no. I waited a moment and then said "Would you like a hug?" and she said yes so I went to her and held her. She sobbed hard and shook. She put her head on my shoulder and I held her while she sobbed. After a moment I said "I love you Lorri". She said "I just wish this didn't have to hurt so much". I waited a moment and then I said "Sometimes you do get a second chance". She didn't say anything as she sobbed for another minute, then she said "thank you" and I let her go. She left the room.
I almost cried, but I didn't. Now I feel so sad for her. It tears me up to see her hurting.
I think she hurts because she has made a decision that she can't love me again. That her only choice is to be divorced. I don't know. I don't think she knows.
Time to cry a little, then go back to 'detached'. Sadly, I know I will be ok now. I'm back. I don't need her any more, but I sure do miss her. I sure do love her. I'm back now. It's finally over. I made it. 6 years of hurt and sadness and despair are finally over. I pulled myself up out of that awful place on my own. I did it. I can move forward now.
I don't know what to do right now. I really don't. It feels good because I don't HAVE TO KNOW what to do. I can just BE.
Tomorrow will be an interesting day. Couples counseling will be very different tomorrow.
