Well this afternoon I wnet to W's room and gave her the spreadsheet with the household expenses she agreed to pay on it so she would know the breakdown, and what her half is (about $900).
She looked at me and said "I can't Pay this right now, I don't have any money" and I reminded her that it was OK because I had told her to pay what she could for the next 3 months while she got her business started. I said that I just wanted her to have the numbers since it was the beginning of February.
She started to cry. I asked her what's wrong, she said 'nothing I want to talk about'.
Normally, I would say 'ok, if you need someone to talk to I'm here', or I would linger and push 'are you sure? can I help?'.
I said. 'ok', turned and left the room.
There are only two topics she will not talk to me about:
(1) Issues with OM. (2) Issues with her feelings about me and going through with a divorce.
Anything else she would talk about.
I noticed that the poem I had written her for Xmas was not on the shelf where it had been in her room. Spitfire mentioned to me that it was the divorce book plus the poem being 'put away' that all happened after this last weekend, when B*tch friend visited. I'm willing to bet the 'late nite talk' they had was about Divorce and stuff, probably 'friend' bought her the book. That would be like her.
Anyway, a few minutes later I left the house and went somewhere and talked to Spitfire for an hour or so rebuilding my 'detaching' strength. (Thanks Spitfire!).
Went home just in time for dinner. W was in the famliy room with D10 eating their dinner so I got some, went in the dining room and sat. 2 minutes later she comes and sits. She says: "Are you ok?", I answer "I'm fine!" and smile. Then I keep eating and sort of ignore her. I see out of the corner of my eye that she is looking at me so I look up, make eye contact and smile. She smiles. I eat. I look up again, she is still looking at me, I make eye contact and smile. Finally she speaks:
W: Your hair is looking more 'salt and pepper' now, instead of brown with gray spots. It makes you look distinguished. I hadn't noticed it before.
Me: (smiling) Yeah, it need to be cut too. I'm sure I'll be a Babe Magnet, they like those 'distinguished' men, that and money! I'll be fighting them off!
W: Well you can velcro some $20 to your clothes and get lots of women that way!
Me: (more serious) I think I'll skip that, I don't need a woman right now.
Conversation stops, I finish the last few bites and she's still looking at me, kinda sad. I get up and excuse myself and she says 'see ya later'.
A little while later I start a nice fire in the family room then go to my office to type this posting. I just went into the room and she was sitting looking sad. I smiled at her but she didn't look at me. I left her there.
I guess she is noticing that I am not needy, hence the 'are you ok' question and she is also in the middle of 'deciding' to get divorced. Don't know what, if anything, is going on with OM (a.k.a. 'Predator'). Right now I am good. I am ok. I have no idea what she's thinking but, she is / was determined and I expect that she will go through the steps for Divorce because she thinks she has to.
But, this is very weird behavior for her. AND my 180 is that SHE knows that I CAN SENSE her uncomfortableness and in the past I would follow her around trying to make her 'feel better'. I'm being indifferent now.
Gotta keep remembering that whatever I may think, she is not going to 'come back'.
