I'm so sorry that it came to the OM point...for both of you. If only we knew how spouses can help one another at the critical points along the way...before things come to a breaking point.
I think what you said about weakness brings up an interesting thought to my mind. That is, I wish we all respected and honored our own and others' 'weaknesses'. It is 'weakness' that allows us to let down our guard and let others in. It is 'weakness' that conquers pride, giving us the ability to both and receive true love and forgiveness by setting aside the power of the ego. It is 'weakness' that allows us to let go and let God/HP/Creator/Universe (however you see it). Strength is important...very important, but ironically, 'weakness' is a strength, too.
Perhaps you hated weakness in yourself as much as in your wife. I wish - just wish - that she would have found a way not to look for and external answer for herself. Going to another person is NOT the way to feel good about oneself, to find validation. This comes from the inside out ONLY. I can only hope that this will become clear to her in the future.
So...you are a good man regardless of your ability to 'fix' the situation. You are not being asked to do so...only to love yourself and let the revelations this produces bring you back to health. You are SO on your way!
My H said a funny thing to me before he left last week. He said "maybe I'll have to lose you to find you". This may be. I said I wish we could all keep from getting to the breaking point, but maybe sometimes we have to be broken to be put back together in a better way, we have to be lost in order to be found.
