You are such a good man and you are a sensitive soul. I'm not going to give you any advice b/c you know what you need to do; I don't. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
Thank you Nicola. I know, I am a sensitive soul. And I live in an insensitive world. Maybe I'm here to change that about our world, or at least the parts that I can touch? I think I am.
I wouldn't have been given the great gifts of compassion, love and intellect I have for no reason. I don't think I was quite ready 8 years ago when I used them all to create a company from nothing, that was a place for so many people to have the opportunity to grow up and become 'more than they were' than when they met me.
The tragedy of how it ended and the people who took so much from me caused me to run away from my life, and not to use my gifts any more. I know that those things about me are what my wife saw in me, and what attracted her to me. She was one of those people who needed me to pull them along on their journey. When I stopped, she hurt and waited and finally gave up.
With my counselor, who is a 'psycho-spiritual' counselor besides all the MFCC and other 'normal' certificates, I am re-integrating all those parts of me again. It's hard, and as AmyC and others on this board have commented, I've gone from totally defeated in life 3 months ago to where I am now. I couldn't have done that if I wasn't already the person I am. I just got lost.
The prayers I get from you and others are also part of that healing. I sometimes think I don't deserve them but then I realize that I won't be able to be in the world again, and touch more lives, without the prayers. I so want my wife and I to stand together again and it may very well be that the prayers of others will help to accomplish that.
I feel very unworthy to ask for it, but maybe that's part of my lesson - to allow others to prop ME up instead of always being the one to prop OTHERS up all the time. With me energy flow has almost always been one way: I give, others take. Till I can't give any more.
In my life I've given so much to so many, and asked for nothing in return. I never thought I needed anything from anybody. I never thought to ask for anything. I've always been the strong one.
So I'll humbly ask. Whomever feels moved to, please say a prayer or think of me and my wife when you have a free moment. Pray for whatever you think is right. You're all in my heart and I feel for each and every one who is hurting and I do my best to be there in spirit and in words.
I just want to be able to help people again. I really miss that part of myself.
Right now I could sure use a miracle. No matter what though, I will be ok.
