Sorry Frank Nicola will look for this here I could not find her post>
This is complicated but here it goes. If you truly and I mean truly love someone there is nothing you can do avoid it. So...doing anything other than loving that person becomes a choice, something you drive yourself to do. At this point you are not following your heart, you are follwing ego or self esteem. SO...If my wife cheated on me during my terrible years, if I new understood anything, I would realize that I had something to do with it. At that point If I truly loved my wife, the guilt and other feelings would give reasons and I could justify it.. So..If I dont take my wife back and I truly love her than it must be a choice of ego or self esteem. And by self esteem I mean another word for ego. If you ask most men they cannot even think of any other thought worse than the vision of their wife sleeping with another man. SO... what do you think could allow a man to get over that thought? True love and the guilt of driving your wife away. But I would make sure that I punished my wife for it if she was pining for me. If she wasnt well then that is another story and I would have to make a choice between ego (Mine) and just going back. I hope this makes sense I am trying to put my feelings in words and it is hard.
I dont see it any other way. Now you made a nice point. Let me say this and I hope it helps. I told my wife that if I ever hit her/ slapped her I would leave. I told my wife that when I was 23 or 24 years old. It may sound strange to say that but it fit the conversation at the time and I have never raised my hand to my wife. I meant the words. If your husband feels the same way about cheating on you then it might be lost. Only your husband could answer that. I hope this helps and please post a thread on my last thread if you want to talk more. Sorry Frank.
