No one, NO ONE, not even your W I'm sure, wants you to suffer. You do deserve to be happy, as does she. I don't want to tell you to give up, but I do want to say that you HAVE to put yourself first here. You've got to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else. I don't know exactly what that entails, but it may well mean that you have to move out. It's time to be selfish. Right now, you ARE the only one you can count on to help you, so you've got to do it, no matter how much you believe you don't deserve it(and no matter what you say, I think that IS how you feel).
Her comment about love means, to me, that she's frustrated with herself. She doesn't want to love you b/c it makes her life that much more difficult. If she didn't, she wouldn't feel sadness, guilt, or any of the other nasty emotions that make her feel bad. I doesn't mean she doesn't love you; it means she does. BUT does she love you enough to forgive you and to be good enough to you? That I don't know, and neither do you. Probably neither does she. I mean, did Amy know three years ago where she'd be today? No. I'm not saying wait around, I'm just saying that she's very, very confused and you can't know how this will turn out RIGHT NOW.
HTH, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
