Quote: PArob:
I really hope that you find the strenght to make it through whatever it is you decide to do, but I guess I'm pulling for you to find emotional detachment and ride this latest wave in.
Thanks. Finding the 'strength' to make it is never the problem. I always do, I always do. 'making it' is always what happens. I make it. It just takes me years to get over the big hurts. This one will take a while. It probably won't start to heal until we get separate places to live. But I'm stuck here right now for a lot of reasons. I will find a way to detach without seeming angry around her.
Quote: AmyC:
Don't give up. If you do, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened had you waited one more day, one more week, one more month....
Waited for what? SHE DOESN'T CARE. She made it pretty clear today. And, she's pissed that I'm judging her 'new' life of 'happiness' that she 'deserves'.
And she has broken my heart.
Quote: I know how hard it is sometimes to see the positives in our situations. That's why we all have each other. To pull us through those times when everything looks so hopeless... Your whole family went camping together...you have such sweet moments with your wife, she comes to you for advice about her business..... You are BUILDING the foundation for your FUTURE here. She just doesn't know it yet. But she will. Unless you give up. Then you'll never know....
She seems very ungrateful. At least she is spending quality time with the girls now. Other than that, she only cares about OM, and getting together with him again. She isn't any different than any of the other cheating spouses on this board. She just has to deal with the distance and the rarity of the sex.
She only cares about ME so she can have a 'model divorce' where we are just the best of friends! And secretly i'm sure, she needs to know I'm there in case she falls down.
Quote: Don't give up, Frank. You have come so far and you just have to hold on a little longer.
Hold on to what? What am I holding on to? I have given, I have loved, I have swallowed pride and anger till it hurts. I had to first pull myself out of my depression and drinking so I could... get hurt even more! I literally do no have anything left to give to her, or to anybody. Like I said, I'm tired. I'm lonely. I don't have any friends around here. Sometimes even I need a hug, a smile, a friendly face. Sure I have friends on the board and around the country but right here, right now, I'm all alone.
Sure I can take care of myself, pay bills, keep things together. At least I can do that. It's an honorable thing.
I mean, why do I have to carry this cross? In a 'normal' life I'd be celebrating that I finally got myself out of my emotional hell hole I lived in the past few years. My wife would be crying and saying how happy she is that things are getting better.
Instead I am finally at the level of 'alive again' so now I can deal with the divorce, adultery and hurt from a much 'stronger' position than I was in before. This is my life.
I just don't know what to do.
----
Well, at Spitfire's suggestion (thanks!) I apologized to W for fighting with her. I did not apologize for anything I said. She said she was sorry too, that she shouldn't have even come upstairs to 'get down on me' for D10's homework problems because she had ALREADY done that last nite.
(Spitfire, I think you were right again about her motivations. I was detaching and she needed an excuse to check in on me)
I said I hope we don't fight since we have to live with each other for a year. She said that she was going to try harder not to fight. So, she isn't planning on moving out right away. I almost am sad about that.
I still feel like there's nothing there. I'm learning to detach and just get used to the idea she won't ever love me again. She's so cold sometimes and she used to be such a loving and warm person to me. I won't be mean, I just can't be there any more. I'm not appreciated for all that I AM doing for the famliy, and for her.
There are so many others on the board whose situations are much harder to go through. I'm just weaker than some of them. I wish I had started this whole thing from a better emotional state. I"m finally at 'ok' now so I can start letting go, and pushing back.
