Well, I got up my courage to talk about his seemingly lack of interest in doing things as a couple. I was afraid he would be defensive and angry and I knew I had to choose my words carefully. One thing I did was start out with an easy question to get him thinking and talking. Then I went on to the more important stuff. This worked well. I found he was more receptive and thoughtful without being defensive.
We talked about couples we knew and how they did lots of stuff together. I wondered why we aren't like that. He said not everyone is like that. He said he had actually started making plans with one couple for us to go on a weekend trip, which will be fun. He also noted that I am doing alot more and getting out more without him than I ever have (hurray GAL!). I said I was proud of myself for that and he said he was too! I said that didn't mean I didn't want to spend more time with him. I think he was actually thinking I might not want to hang with him! He did also mention that sometimes he doesn't want to be too close to me when we are out because when I've had a couple beers I started changing into a different person and he doesn't like that person much. Honestly, I don't like it much either and have been finding other things to do with my time and money.
Anyway, I know this talk wasn't a cure for my being lonely for him sometimes, but the talk itself was a real success for me because there was no anger and fighting about it. And we know how each other feels about this.
I am still afraid to talk to him about R stuff because he does get defensive but it might be my presentation that causes that. Gotta keep working. DBing has to be a way of life!
